STOP!

"Save the complaints for a party conversation.
The world is loaded, it's lit to pop and nobody is gonna stop..."
- Jane's Addiction

Why is it that people do what they do? Just a question...

Ok, now that we got THAT question out of the way...not like I'd ever expect an answer that solved it all...I can move on.

So, anyhow, we are 3 full months in to 2010 and things really haven't changed so much - for better or worse. I'm still poor, still fat, still...me. Then again, if I weren't me I wouldn't know who I was. And I may not like that person anyhow.

So FUCK that guy! Stop trying to make me be you! Punk!

What?

Anyhoo, like I was saying, things haven't changed a whole lot. I'm still in a funk, but now I think I can come out of it. Feels more possible. It's weird, because I am TOTALLY reaching the breaking point on a whole lot of stuff, and THAT is what is leading me to think that I am making progress.

Does that make ANY sense? Good I'm sure it did(n't).

"One come a day, the water will run,
no man will stand for things that he had done..."

The problem is that I THINK I hold myself accountable for my actions, when in fact I don't. It's hard to hold yourself accountable because HOW do you punish yourself??? What is the penalty - besides things remaining in stasis - never changing for the better, but slowly and progressively worsening. Not like that isn't a strong punishment, but when it isn't enough, what else is there?

Essentially, what I need to do is just start depriving myself of the things that are bad for me. Now, this is the REAL hard part because the things that are bad for me are things I REALLY LIKE!

Here's a short list...

• Gambling
• Mindless gaming on the computer
• Spending money on cool, new and exciting toys - i.e. recording equipment
• Food...the bad stuff...
• Occasionally I like smoking...most of the time I hate myself for doing it...but it still belongs here.

Here is what I NEED to like...

• Saving money
• Being constructive and productive with time
• Exercising - I want to be addicted to this!
• Food...the good stuff...
• NOT smoking

This all seems very elementary, but I have SUCH an addictive personality that I just have zero willpower over a lot of this. Being on the road so much doesn't help at all, though at the same time there are options I just do not look at that I should. (However, I have discovered the beauty that is "Chipotle". Great food that, on the surface, doesn't seem too bad for you. It has to be better than taco bell, burger king, etc...)

Basically, I have been setting goals... Much like I have been doing at work with some success. Here are some of them, and I will force myself to keep the updates coming on them:

• Weight - want to lose 30lbs total by May 12 (vacation) lost 8 already...
  
• Saving money - well, have gotten approval on debt consolidation loan. It's a big 'un, like owning a car-sized payments. But, needs to be done. Paid off in less than 3 years (the loan is for 4 years)
  
• Sleeping more at more normal hours - THIS one will be hard...PERIOD.
• Exercising - actually DOING something for more than 10 minutes that requires some physical exertion. This will definitely help objective #1 tenfold...but I am a lazy mother fucker. Oh, and doing it on a regular basis. Someone once told me about this whole 'consistency' thing...there is something to it I think...
• Stop making excuses to spend money on shit that makes me LESS productive.
• USING THE SHIT I HAVE BOUGHT ALREADY OR SELL IT AND BE DONE!!! If I ain;t using it, it should GO! Can only have so many hobbies. Oh, on that note...
• Stop finding new hobbies.
• Start being more regular with my blog. Quarterly blogs suck...actually, I think THIS blog sucks, but I needed to type it out to get shit straight for me. Figure if enough of you readers (all 6 of you) ask me about it I may do something to show progress. Who knows...
  

"Lit to pop and nobody is gonna STOP!"

So there it is...in a nutshell and a half - couldn't fit it all into one nutshell. Maybe a walnut shell. That's a larger nut. Shut up, I know what you all are thinking - filthy minds!

Anyhow, that is all for now...I'll check in here with progress reports...wish me luck - I need it and never have any...

"Gimmie that -- your automobile, turn off that smokestack and
that goddamn radio - hum... along with me...
Hum along with the t.v. Oh oh oh...o-o-o-O-oh....o-o-o-oh...oh, no...
No one's...gonna...STOP"

Lyrics borrowed, not stolen (I'll give them back)
from Jane's Addiction off their 1990 LP (Yeah, I said LP!)
"Ritual de lo Habitual"
on Warner Bros. Records...
Damn, that Dave Navarro is a good
guitarist!