No, really. Does anyone even read blogs anymore?
Shit...I almost forgot I had one myself.
It's been 10 months since I had last posted here, and again, it is mainly because no one really reads these things anymore - prove me wrong.
With the advent of social media, people just post their novellas on the likes of Facebook, Instagram, twitter, etc. I include myself in that grouping.
However, I have come to realize that I need a much LARGER canvas, for lack of a better term, to thoroughly get out my thoughts. The fact is, this used to be where I would blow off steam...where I would share my successes, my failures, my loves, my losses, my humor, my sadness..and never for anyone but for me to get it off my chest.
There is something immensely cathartic about being able to put your thoughts out into the 'ether'. It helps me wash things away, in a sense. Not that they are actually gone - they are still present - but it feels better to type the words and process in a literary way.
I can't say that what I have been going through the past few months are things I wish to discuss COMPLETELY out in the open. Too many could see...too many could get hurt...too many would know even if I changed names to protect the innocent.
What I CAN say, and what I am WILLING to say, is that I have felt incomplete for a long time now. I feel like I am on a constant journey of 'finding myself' with no end in sight. I keep thinking of things that would make me 'happy' when all those things are really just minor distractions - weekend getaways, the occasional 'romp', new toys (which have nothing to do with the 'romping'...jerks :-P ).
Don't get me wrong...it makes for wonderful experiences, stories, and friendships. ALL of that is quite good and I value all of it. But I still feel empty. I feel incomplete. I feel like I am constantly trying to put a puzzle together, but every time I get close, another piece is missing. I look under the couch - nope - it's not there.
Maybe behind the entertainment center? Nuh-uh...
Well, shit...
OH! I know!!! Under the sink behind the thing!! DAMMIT! NO! Grrrrrr... Totally thought it was there!
That puzzle piece I'm looking for? The toughest part? I don't even know what it looks like because it keep changing.
Many times I am alone. And I like it. I like the solitude, the time to reflect. I put on movies and view them - view them...not 'watch' them. Most of the time I am thinking of something else and getting inside my own head. It's kinda gross, in a way. It is hard to look at me sometimes. I don't always like what I see. Then I move on to the next part - what do I need to do to make it better (as no one will do it for me).
I make the mental list: Workout more, be more disciplined at work, stop thinking that everyone is judging you, eat better, no carbs, less sugar, lose weight, gain muscle, look better, fit into clothes, save money, spend time with others, let go of hate, embrace happiness...and all of that horseshit...
I give myself the drive, the energy, the will to move on and pursue all of these initiatives...
And 10 min later I'm mentally exhausted, defeated, and back to square one. I used to have the willpower to do this. I know it is still there. What I FINALLY figured out, just recently, is that I lack the PATIENCE to do it all. I had come so far a few years ago...I got so close to where I wanted to be - I was truly happy. I was doing well at work, was with the love of my life (at that time), traveling, spending time with good friends, working out and being healthier, being something resembling responsible overall...and it all just fell flat.
And trying to get the energy to get that ramped back up is proving so difficult. I've been injured, sick, missing goals at work, falling for the wrong women, eating all the foods...and I KNOW what I need to do to fix this... I'm just not patient. It sucks.
Can't I click my heels 3 times and make it all right? Well, no, as I would never be wearing those slippers, a dress that looks like a tablecloth, and I'd have a Boston Terrier...
But that's besides the point...
Anyhoo, this stream of consciousness style of writing helps for sure...but I am done...the NyQuil is kicking in and I have had it with this miserable day. Please put wishes out there to the universe for me to have a good day tomorrow. I really need it...sigh...
I promise the next entry in this blog will be more positive...
l8r...
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Tuesday, June 26, 2018
"Does anyone remember laughter?!?!"
...Or this blog? Geez, even I forgot about it for a good long time. Well, figured now is as good a time as any to put something up before I go to my Ambien-infused sleep. Just not sure of what...
But...
There has been a lot going on in my life. Work has been challenging, social life equally so, but the one good thing is that I have been shedding myself of possessions that were either superfluous or just plain stupid to have gotten in the first place...then I take that money and pay bills!
Now I have less, but BETTER stuff and less bills...winning!
So what am I doing about all this? Well...honestly, I am amping up my home studio game big time!
But...
There has been a lot going on in my life. Work has been challenging, social life equally so, but the one good thing is that I have been shedding myself of possessions that were either superfluous or just plain stupid to have gotten in the first place...then I take that money and pay bills!
Now I have less, but BETTER stuff and less bills...winning!
So what am I doing about all this? Well...honestly, I am amping up my home studio game big time!
- Went from 5" M-Audio to 8" JBL monitors - that ALONE has been a revelation.
- Invested in too many pedals - favorite currently being the J. Rockett Archer, which itself is one of the best Klon Klones out there. So good...
- Sold my Epi Zakk Wylde LP, Strat w/EMG's, one of my T5z's, a Randall power amp, a couple of other shitty guitars I had at my mothers house, ALL my camera equipment, and probably some other things. Still have more to sell - inquire within :-P
- Purchased a Neumann TLM103 + vocal isolation screen and stand = vocal game increase by +300 points :-P
- Purchased a Moog 'Minitaur'….it's so much fun and I have no idea how to use it!!!! BUT IT'S FUN, dammit! Running that with a Novation controller that I had bought years ago and never used...now I'm using it!
- Acquired a PRS SC345 guitar that is an absolute MONSTER and feels SO good to play. And it is very, very orange. and I don't care...f**k off.
- FINALLY figured out how to get really good tone out of my Fractal Audio AX8.
- For season I want a Fan Fretted 7 string guitar. I just think I need one. I almost bought 3 different ones in the past 24 hours - an Ormsby, an Ibanez Universe, and a Legator. Last week I almost bought a Strandberg. Someone stop me!
- Re-tubed my Bad Cat Cougar 5 amp...sounds amazing now.
- Other shit...probably some new Universal Audio Plugins that I have salivating over...
Ok, so what is to come of all this? Well, I will be doing some recording next week at a cabin I rented in Lake Arrowhead. I - somehow - am bringing most ALL the new items I described above plus my computer and monitor, more guitars (2009 Gibson Les Paul R9, 2001 PRS McCarty, Fender MIJ strat with Seymour Duncan Duckbuckers, a bass, a new Taylor 314ce and a Steinberger...shut up), a rack for all of these, big bag o'cables, 2 microphones, nd somehow fit my clothes and food into the car. Packing is going to be a challenge!!! It will be a good time, though. my friend, Frankie, who lives there and is an amazing musician is going to stop by and lay some tracks as well. Maybe some acoustic music, maybe something crazier. All I know is that I can't wait!!!
So what am I going to be recording? Some originals, and some ridiculous covers. A couple that I thought of that are on the short list:
- "Groove is in the Heart" - Deee-lite
- "It's Not Unusal" - Tom Jones
- "Come and Get it" - Badfinger
and
- Theme to "Law and Order"
I also need to continue to re-record the entire "Dark Side of the Moon" album. Started that project and should finish.
I AM TAKING SUGGESTIONS IF YOU HAVE ANY!!!! HAPPY TO LISTEN! Remember, the sillier the song/unlikeliness of being done heavy, the better.
Shooting for 3 songs a day...which for me should be ok to do as I have everything written in my head...and they will be long days.
There is more, but I am now real tired and need my hotel bed... L8R
- M
Friday, April 7, 2017
It's been over a year...
...Since I have posted a blog...now the clock starts again, I guess. Maybe I'll add something soon. It's been too long and I need to let off some steam... Stand By...
Monday, February 29, 2016
"How I Did It..."
Well, it's over...
The first official half marathon I was to run has come and gone and I have the medal to prove it!
This was not very easy at all, and really, I wasn't 100% ready for it...but I did the best I could in getting ready for it as it approached, and I am NOT upset with my finish or overall performance.
Running is still relatively new to me. I have only been doing it for about a year, and only very seriously since mid-August. At that point, running 2 miles continuously without stopping to walk was a major chore. On Saturday, the day before the Half Marathon, I did a 2 mile WARM UP RUN. It's been nice to look back and see the progress I have made...and it is definitely rewarding.
But that wasn't the only thing I took away from this weekend. This weekend gave me everything I needed out of it, and I am a much happier person for it.
I got to see old friends, made some new ones, and spent some real, quality time with someone that I need in my life, but has been missing for a while. I think they need me in theirs as well, and this was to both our benefit. I'm just leaving my discussion at that because it wouldn't be right to put any more out there - this was for both of us, and I think we are both happier now.
Back to the race itself!
Ok, so for those of you who don't know New Orleans that well, let me just tell you that it is not just the French Quarter that makes up the city. In fact, that is such a small part of it that if you ONLY spent your time there you would be doing yourself a great disservice. With that said, I am going to be as descriptive as possible in raising your geographic understanding about where the race took place...google maps will help, too...
The race itself started in the CBD (Central Business District). The CBD is just south of Canal St. The Quarter is just north of Canal, as a point of reference. The starting line was on Camp St and Poydras - a big street in the CBD...3 blocks south of Canal.
The route went west on Poydras to S. Rampart (about 4/10 of a mile) where we made a left and headed south. After about a another 4/10 of a mile, we made a left on to Howard ave, and then made a left onto St. Charles...this leads us to the 1 mile marker.
The route took us through the CBD, the Warehouse District, the Garden District and Uptown...at which point we hit the Audubon Zoo - and turned around. This is about the 4.5 mile mark.
Run all the way BACK up St. Charles and at about the 8 mile mark we make a quick right, then a quick left on to Magazine st. Then we once again do a quick right and a quick left on to Tchoupitoulas. Say that 3x fast ...
We cross Canal st on a diagonal and wind up on St. Peters, and now in the French Quarter we proceed up Decatur for the entire length of the Quarter, which isn't all that long in retrospect. We run past Jackson Square and RIGHT PAST Cafe du Monde....and I really wanted to stop and get a beignet - until we passed another place where bacon was sizzling and smelled soooo good. But no, I was running...
Once we hit Esplanade at the top right corner of the French Quarter, we make a left...this is about the 10 mile mark. 3 miles later, we are in City Park, and 1/10 of a mile later, we are done.
So that was the course...
As to 'How I did it', well that story is interesting and fun:
The race start time was 7:30am, and I went to bed about 10pm on Saturday, but didn't fall asleep til about 11pm I guess. That was ok, though, as I seem to do ok on long runs even when I don't get a full 8 hours the night before. I was resting all week as much as possible (as much as I could being that I was on the road for work) and carbo loading all week, so I figured I had good energy stored up.
Got up at about 4:45 am in order to eat and be able to digest before the race. Had a couple of banana's, a protein bar, and a cup of coffee. Hopped in a hot shower and rinsed off/warmed up my muscles a bit. Tried to be calm and keep focus. I got dressed, packed a bag, and off I went. It's about 6:45am.
I strategically picked a hotel that was about 2 blocks away from the starting line, and being the Intercontinental Hotel, it didn't suck. Hotel points pay off every now and again :-)
Of course, there were thousands and thousands of people there. The 10k was about to kick off at 7am, so all those people were lined up and ready to go. I walked a block over and found my spot in corral 20. As I was making my way down, I did my normal warm-up: super light jogging for about 5 min or so...lunges, dynamic stretches, deep knee bends, etc. All this I learned to do a bit later in my training, but I am glad I learned! Helped me recover faster after runs, and helped me be pain free during them.
Now, it's about 7:20am, I'm all warmed up, ready to go. It's a nice morning - about 55 degrees and it will get to about 70 by midday. No real wind save for a light breeze, sunny, just basically perfect conditions. I am pleased.
I am NOT pleased by the music playing over the PA system...for a Rock N Roll Marathon - in the south, no less - I expected to hear Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Allman Bros, Zeppelin, or maybe Muse, the Foo Fighters, anyone that is on rock radio today...
NOPE! I think they had on 'Now That's What I call Music' vol 195...with songs like 'I cant feel my face when I'm with you', and 'Turn Down For What', and, of course, 'All About that Bass'. UGH!!!!
I put on Aenima by Tool on my headphones and turned the volume WAY up.
Now, they have us leaving in waves, but these waves were NOT being let go all too fast. And I was in number 20. They were averaging 2 min+ in between each wave...so I didn't get off the line until about 8:20 or so. At this point, all the warm up I did had gone away. I tried keeping warm and moving around and such, but I could only DO so much by this point.
Then, I felt it...I had to pee. Kinda badly. But now there was no time to go, and we were about to start off the line. I just tried to put it out of my mind and not even think about it, and for a while I was really successful with it. More to come on this...
They call us up to the starting line. "Ok runners, 30 second!" says the gent with the British accent at the podium...looking very warm in his nice jacket. I bet HE had a restroom nearby, I thought. "15 seconds!" Ok, no more thoughts about peeing...gotta run now.
"10...9...8..." Etc. The horn goes off and we start running. Immediately I felt like I needed to slow down...I was cold again, as I said, and I didn't want to hurt myself, so I had to put the adrenaline in check and just maintain a slow, steady pace...
Mile 1 - 11min 15 sec - I felt ok-ish with this...it was still faster than I wanted to go right from the outset considering how cold I was. I was shooting for 11:30 or even 12 min for the first mile. After warming up I tend to pick up pace anyhow and wanted to settle in at about 11:15. But, I felt really good, and I was definitely warmed up. ***As a point of reference, when I run 5k's I like to be in the 9:15-9:30min per mile range...I run DECIDEDLY slower over long distances.***
Mile 2 - 11min 11 sec - This was perfect. If I could settle in to a rhythm here I figured I would be golden. Still felt good. Stopped at the water station even though I wasn't all that thirsty but I wanted to make sure I stayed hydrated. At this point we are running through the garden district area.
Mile 3 - 10min 48 sec - ok I was feeling a little too good. I was picking up the pace and passing people when I shouldn't have been thinking about that. It was way too early to waste that kind of energy so I had to slow back down. I really have to pee.
Mile 4 - 11min 20 sec - and a sign says 'porta potties ahead'. And I did a happy dance inside...until I saw there was ONE porta pottie...and a long ass line...Fuck it...I'll keep going. DAMN!
Mile 5 - 11min 07 sec - picking up pace because I had to pee!!!! I wanted to get to a porta pottie as fast as I could. I know there would be a line, but if I made up time here I would be ok.
Mile 6 - 12min 45 sec - AHHHHHHHHH... Empty!!! I felt a million times better and felt I could really go on now...BUT...before I stopped, I had JUST gotten into a killer rhythm and felt really comfortable. Now I have to find it again...and that pee brake took a WHILE...added at least couple of minutes on to my time. DAMN!
Mile 7 - 11min 05 sec - Felt good again especially after taking care of business, but I think I was feeling a little TOO good. This was the second fastest mile I ran in the entire race and it may have been too much too soon.
Mile 8 - 11min 19 sec - time was back on track but I knew that I was running out of energy. I had switched to drinking Gatorade and had downed a couple of GU packets (runners know what I am talking about) throughout the race but I knew the fun was ending for me... At the end of mile 8 I entered the French Quarter.
Mile 9 - 12min 09 sec - Wheels start falling off the wagon...I start smelling beignets and bacon. Not hungry, really, but I want...WANT! Start to slow up a bit in the Quarter because it's the QUARTER and it's fun to look at...got some more water and make a left onto Esplanade.1343 1422 1254
Mile 10 - 12min 46 sec - needing to walk a little more. But this is when my GPS running app and the course itself have far different measurement standards...I noticed it around mile 3 or 4 but it wasn't that far off...NOW it was far off. My app told me I had 3.1 miles to go, but I was far away from the 10 mile marker! That was disheartening...I was tired and wanted to get going faster, but I kept getting demoralized over the last couple of mileage marks being off...
Mile 11 - 13min 43 sec - Kinda half walked, half run this mile...so beat...my shirt is dripping sweat a LOT
Mile 12 - 14min 22 sec - yeah, more walking than running at this point. I'm gassed...but I can see City Park off in the distance.
Mile 13 - 12min 54 sec - I'm totally out of juice, but I want to finish somewhat strong. I had a fantasy goal of finishing in 2hours 30 min. That was long gone, but I wanted to make it under my grouping time of 2hours 45 min. I started to slowly pick up pace, but I was feeling a little dizzy and seeing spots - yeah I know...not good. I was wondering WHY that was happening - usually it happens when I am dehydrated, but maybe I hadn't EATEN enough the night before? I don't know, exactly. I will have to figure that out with more training...
But I did push as hard as I could the last 1.1 miles. My feet were killing me, but my muscles seemed ok. However, as I was pushing more, my calves started to spasm, and I just had to coast in. It sucked. I just HAD to cross the finish line RUNNING though. I had to. I wasn't going to walk across the finish...or crawl...or fall... I needed to run across. I entered City Park, and about a quarter mile later I crossed. I was completely spent. I felt like I was going to pass out.
FINISH TIME:
My Nike GPS time - 2:36:44
Official RnR Marathon time - 2:42:55
(Distance was off by almost a HALF MILE between the 2)
Then I got my medal.
This thing is HEAVY!!! And it's pretty awesome, actually. But I was
so tired I couldn't really enjoy it yet.
I took long, slow breaths and did NOT stop walking. I grabbed a water, a Gatorade, a banana, and a power bar and walked into the main area. The Preservation Hall Jazz Band was playing, and they were kicking ass, of course. Thousands of people were all over. Tons of booths, tents, etc. This was big.
I found a shady tree, sat down for a minute and drank my water. I started feeling a little better. I wolfed down the banana.
And then I looked up to the sky. Those of you who know me know I am not a very religious person at all...but I do believe there is someone up there watching out for me. I thanked him. For everything. For getting me through this alive, for giving me the determination to finish, for the banana I ate so fast I almost choked... I hung out for a minute, drank all the water and Gatorade, and then got my celebratory Michelob Ultra from the tents. So cold. So good. Lo carb, so it did nothing for what I needed except dehydrate me further!
I grabbed my stuff from the bag check and hopped a shuttle back to the CBD. Getting off the bus was HARD to do...everything was stiff by then...but I strangely didn't feel all TOO horrible. I took a nice, long, HOT shower, got dressed, got a double cheeseburger from McD's - I needed something FAST - and had a great rest of the day. No matter what I did it was going to be great, but it was great all the same, and exceeded expectations. I'm happy.
I got most everything I needed to this weekend, and I am very thankful for that. It went how it needed to go. Now, I move forward and look toward the next half marathon at Disney World on April 17th! I know what I need to work on, so that part is easy, but I have to make sure I don't forget what I have done well and keep that going.
Once again, this never would have been possible without the friendship, support, and inspiration of so many people as well as those who tell me that I've inspired THEM. I cannot even list them all here, and when I link to this post on Facebook I will probably forget to tag a couple of people. I apologize in advance! But...THANK YOU ALL for caring enough about me to follow me on this journey. The next race I dedicate to all of you and how you make me work harder...this one was for me, though.
Peace and love to you all...
- Mike
The first official half marathon I was to run has come and gone and I have the medal to prove it!
This was not very easy at all, and really, I wasn't 100% ready for it...but I did the best I could in getting ready for it as it approached, and I am NOT upset with my finish or overall performance.
Running is still relatively new to me. I have only been doing it for about a year, and only very seriously since mid-August. At that point, running 2 miles continuously without stopping to walk was a major chore. On Saturday, the day before the Half Marathon, I did a 2 mile WARM UP RUN. It's been nice to look back and see the progress I have made...and it is definitely rewarding.
But that wasn't the only thing I took away from this weekend. This weekend gave me everything I needed out of it, and I am a much happier person for it.
I got to see old friends, made some new ones, and spent some real, quality time with someone that I need in my life, but has been missing for a while. I think they need me in theirs as well, and this was to both our benefit. I'm just leaving my discussion at that because it wouldn't be right to put any more out there - this was for both of us, and I think we are both happier now.
Back to the race itself!
Ok, so for those of you who don't know New Orleans that well, let me just tell you that it is not just the French Quarter that makes up the city. In fact, that is such a small part of it that if you ONLY spent your time there you would be doing yourself a great disservice. With that said, I am going to be as descriptive as possible in raising your geographic understanding about where the race took place...google maps will help, too...
The race itself started in the CBD (Central Business District). The CBD is just south of Canal St. The Quarter is just north of Canal, as a point of reference. The starting line was on Camp St and Poydras - a big street in the CBD...3 blocks south of Canal.
The route went west on Poydras to S. Rampart (about 4/10 of a mile) where we made a left and headed south. After about a another 4/10 of a mile, we made a left on to Howard ave, and then made a left onto St. Charles...this leads us to the 1 mile marker.
The route took us through the CBD, the Warehouse District, the Garden District and Uptown...at which point we hit the Audubon Zoo - and turned around. This is about the 4.5 mile mark.
Run all the way BACK up St. Charles and at about the 8 mile mark we make a quick right, then a quick left on to Magazine st. Then we once again do a quick right and a quick left on to Tchoupitoulas. Say that 3x fast ...
We cross Canal st on a diagonal and wind up on St. Peters, and now in the French Quarter we proceed up Decatur for the entire length of the Quarter, which isn't all that long in retrospect. We run past Jackson Square and RIGHT PAST Cafe du Monde....and I really wanted to stop and get a beignet - until we passed another place where bacon was sizzling and smelled soooo good. But no, I was running...
Once we hit Esplanade at the top right corner of the French Quarter, we make a left...this is about the 10 mile mark. 3 miles later, we are in City Park, and 1/10 of a mile later, we are done.
So that was the course...
As to 'How I did it', well that story is interesting and fun:
The race start time was 7:30am, and I went to bed about 10pm on Saturday, but didn't fall asleep til about 11pm I guess. That was ok, though, as I seem to do ok on long runs even when I don't get a full 8 hours the night before. I was resting all week as much as possible (as much as I could being that I was on the road for work) and carbo loading all week, so I figured I had good energy stored up.
Got up at about 4:45 am in order to eat and be able to digest before the race. Had a couple of banana's, a protein bar, and a cup of coffee. Hopped in a hot shower and rinsed off/warmed up my muscles a bit. Tried to be calm and keep focus. I got dressed, packed a bag, and off I went. It's about 6:45am.
I strategically picked a hotel that was about 2 blocks away from the starting line, and being the Intercontinental Hotel, it didn't suck. Hotel points pay off every now and again :-)
Of course, there were thousands and thousands of people there. The 10k was about to kick off at 7am, so all those people were lined up and ready to go. I walked a block over and found my spot in corral 20. As I was making my way down, I did my normal warm-up: super light jogging for about 5 min or so...lunges, dynamic stretches, deep knee bends, etc. All this I learned to do a bit later in my training, but I am glad I learned! Helped me recover faster after runs, and helped me be pain free during them.
Now, it's about 7:20am, I'm all warmed up, ready to go. It's a nice morning - about 55 degrees and it will get to about 70 by midday. No real wind save for a light breeze, sunny, just basically perfect conditions. I am pleased.
I am NOT pleased by the music playing over the PA system...for a Rock N Roll Marathon - in the south, no less - I expected to hear Lynyrd Skynyrd, The Allman Bros, Zeppelin, or maybe Muse, the Foo Fighters, anyone that is on rock radio today...
NOPE! I think they had on 'Now That's What I call Music' vol 195...with songs like 'I cant feel my face when I'm with you', and 'Turn Down For What', and, of course, 'All About that Bass'. UGH!!!!
I put on Aenima by Tool on my headphones and turned the volume WAY up.
Now, they have us leaving in waves, but these waves were NOT being let go all too fast. And I was in number 20. They were averaging 2 min+ in between each wave...so I didn't get off the line until about 8:20 or so. At this point, all the warm up I did had gone away. I tried keeping warm and moving around and such, but I could only DO so much by this point.
Then, I felt it...I had to pee. Kinda badly. But now there was no time to go, and we were about to start off the line. I just tried to put it out of my mind and not even think about it, and for a while I was really successful with it. More to come on this...
They call us up to the starting line. "Ok runners, 30 second!" says the gent with the British accent at the podium...looking very warm in his nice jacket. I bet HE had a restroom nearby, I thought. "15 seconds!" Ok, no more thoughts about peeing...gotta run now.
"10...9...8..." Etc. The horn goes off and we start running. Immediately I felt like I needed to slow down...I was cold again, as I said, and I didn't want to hurt myself, so I had to put the adrenaline in check and just maintain a slow, steady pace...
Mile 1 - 11min 15 sec - I felt ok-ish with this...it was still faster than I wanted to go right from the outset considering how cold I was. I was shooting for 11:30 or even 12 min for the first mile. After warming up I tend to pick up pace anyhow and wanted to settle in at about 11:15. But, I felt really good, and I was definitely warmed up. ***As a point of reference, when I run 5k's I like to be in the 9:15-9:30min per mile range...I run DECIDEDLY slower over long distances.***
Mile 2 - 11min 11 sec - This was perfect. If I could settle in to a rhythm here I figured I would be golden. Still felt good. Stopped at the water station even though I wasn't all that thirsty but I wanted to make sure I stayed hydrated. At this point we are running through the garden district area.
Mile 3 - 10min 48 sec - ok I was feeling a little too good. I was picking up the pace and passing people when I shouldn't have been thinking about that. It was way too early to waste that kind of energy so I had to slow back down. I really have to pee.
Mile 4 - 11min 20 sec - and a sign says 'porta potties ahead'. And I did a happy dance inside...until I saw there was ONE porta pottie...and a long ass line...Fuck it...I'll keep going. DAMN!
Mile 5 - 11min 07 sec - picking up pace because I had to pee!!!! I wanted to get to a porta pottie as fast as I could. I know there would be a line, but if I made up time here I would be ok.
Mile 6 - 12min 45 sec - AHHHHHHHHH... Empty!!! I felt a million times better and felt I could really go on now...BUT...before I stopped, I had JUST gotten into a killer rhythm and felt really comfortable. Now I have to find it again...and that pee brake took a WHILE...added at least couple of minutes on to my time. DAMN!
Mile 7 - 11min 05 sec - Felt good again especially after taking care of business, but I think I was feeling a little TOO good. This was the second fastest mile I ran in the entire race and it may have been too much too soon.
Mile 8 - 11min 19 sec - time was back on track but I knew that I was running out of energy. I had switched to drinking Gatorade and had downed a couple of GU packets (runners know what I am talking about) throughout the race but I knew the fun was ending for me... At the end of mile 8 I entered the French Quarter.
Mile 9 - 12min 09 sec - Wheels start falling off the wagon...I start smelling beignets and bacon. Not hungry, really, but I want...WANT! Start to slow up a bit in the Quarter because it's the QUARTER and it's fun to look at...got some more water and make a left onto Esplanade.1343 1422 1254
Mile 10 - 12min 46 sec - needing to walk a little more. But this is when my GPS running app and the course itself have far different measurement standards...I noticed it around mile 3 or 4 but it wasn't that far off...NOW it was far off. My app told me I had 3.1 miles to go, but I was far away from the 10 mile marker! That was disheartening...I was tired and wanted to get going faster, but I kept getting demoralized over the last couple of mileage marks being off...
Mile 11 - 13min 43 sec - Kinda half walked, half run this mile...so beat...my shirt is dripping sweat a LOT
Mile 12 - 14min 22 sec - yeah, more walking than running at this point. I'm gassed...but I can see City Park off in the distance.
Mile 13 - 12min 54 sec - I'm totally out of juice, but I want to finish somewhat strong. I had a fantasy goal of finishing in 2hours 30 min. That was long gone, but I wanted to make it under my grouping time of 2hours 45 min. I started to slowly pick up pace, but I was feeling a little dizzy and seeing spots - yeah I know...not good. I was wondering WHY that was happening - usually it happens when I am dehydrated, but maybe I hadn't EATEN enough the night before? I don't know, exactly. I will have to figure that out with more training...
But I did push as hard as I could the last 1.1 miles. My feet were killing me, but my muscles seemed ok. However, as I was pushing more, my calves started to spasm, and I just had to coast in. It sucked. I just HAD to cross the finish line RUNNING though. I had to. I wasn't going to walk across the finish...or crawl...or fall... I needed to run across. I entered City Park, and about a quarter mile later I crossed. I was completely spent. I felt like I was going to pass out.
FINISH TIME:
My Nike GPS time - 2:36:44
Official RnR Marathon time - 2:42:55
(Distance was off by almost a HALF MILE between the 2)
Then I got my medal.
 | |
| The medal...and the beer. |
I took long, slow breaths and did NOT stop walking. I grabbed a water, a Gatorade, a banana, and a power bar and walked into the main area. The Preservation Hall Jazz Band was playing, and they were kicking ass, of course. Thousands of people were all over. Tons of booths, tents, etc. This was big.
I found a shady tree, sat down for a minute and drank my water. I started feeling a little better. I wolfed down the banana.
And then I looked up to the sky. Those of you who know me know I am not a very religious person at all...but I do believe there is someone up there watching out for me. I thanked him. For everything. For getting me through this alive, for giving me the determination to finish, for the banana I ate so fast I almost choked... I hung out for a minute, drank all the water and Gatorade, and then got my celebratory Michelob Ultra from the tents. So cold. So good. Lo carb, so it did nothing for what I needed except dehydrate me further!
I grabbed my stuff from the bag check and hopped a shuttle back to the CBD. Getting off the bus was HARD to do...everything was stiff by then...but I strangely didn't feel all TOO horrible. I took a nice, long, HOT shower, got dressed, got a double cheeseburger from McD's - I needed something FAST - and had a great rest of the day. No matter what I did it was going to be great, but it was great all the same, and exceeded expectations. I'm happy.
I got most everything I needed to this weekend, and I am very thankful for that. It went how it needed to go. Now, I move forward and look toward the next half marathon at Disney World on April 17th! I know what I need to work on, so that part is easy, but I have to make sure I don't forget what I have done well and keep that going.
Once again, this never would have been possible without the friendship, support, and inspiration of so many people as well as those who tell me that I've inspired THEM. I cannot even list them all here, and when I link to this post on Facebook I will probably forget to tag a couple of people. I apologize in advance! But...THANK YOU ALL for caring enough about me to follow me on this journey. The next race I dedicate to all of you and how you make me work harder...this one was for me, though.
Peace and love to you all...
- Mike
Thursday, February 25, 2016
The long run...
"You can go the distance...
We'll find out
In the long run."
- The Eagles
Well, the time is near, and I will be running my first official half-marathon this Sunday.
Fuck.
Today is when the self-doubt and worry started creeping in...asking myself "Am I ready? Am I rushing this? Will I make it through? Did I train right? Did I train ENOUGH?"
All these questions and more will be answered Sunday in New Orleans!!!
I'm excited, nervous, apprehensive...all for a whole lot of reasons. Understandably so, I think. This will be the first time I set foot in this city since August. Those of you who know me know why, and as I had explained in my last blog post, there are many reasons for me doing this race in that city.
With all that said, I can only wish for a good showing, that I finish well, and that I do everyone proud that has followed me on this journey to this point. It's been a long, strange trip getting to here, for sure.
Oh, I did some damage,
Didn't know I was so lonely until I met you...
So, let's review:
I started running to get healthy, lose weight and look better for someone I loved...and for myself, too. The weight was coming off, I was looking better, and I kinda fell into a routine of 'maintenance' when it came to exercise. It could have been worse - I could have been doing nothing at all - but I was somewhat content with my progress.
Then the relationship ended.
Someone once said that the best way to lose weight was to go through a break-up. So, I put that frustration, anger, and disappointment into my fitness. I started back at the gym again, and I really started to increase my runs. I went from averaging about 1.5 miles a run to over 5.25 miles per run over the past 7 months. I had lost about 30lbs or so before August, and have lost 11 more since, plus taking a bunch of inches off my body. Went from a size XXL shirt to a size L, and in some instances a size M. Dropped about 4" off my waistline as well. I had committed myself to a Half Marathon in Disney World in April, too.
But then in December I decided I needed another 'push'. April seemed so far off, and I was making good progress with my running, so I looked into the Rock N Roll Marathon series. My friend Jason had run the Las Vegas RnR marathon in November, and I was already thinking I may want to run the San Diego RnR in June. Lo and behold, I saw that there was a 3-pack that you could purchase and run ANY 3 races you wanted. I grabbed it...and then started testing myself.
Over the Christmas holiday I was home in NY at my mothers house. The weather was ridiculously warm - it was 66 degrees on Christmas day - and I set out to hit a milestone...a 10 mile run.
Not only did I do it, I didn't feel like my legs were going to fall off!!
I decided to the New Orleans Half Marathon at that point.
Who is gonna make it?
We'll find out
In the long run...
Since then, I have had to learn a LOT more about running, stretching, training and eating properly. I have pulled hamstrings, pinched nerves, hurt hips, been a regular at my chiropractor...and now it's pretty much 'go' time.
That's it. There is nothing more to say! I can't train any more than I have for the race...all I can do now is ask for your continued support. If anyone is reading this, you can actually follow me on my run with a tracker that sends results to your cell phone! It's pretty cool... Click here and you'll be taken to the the 'Competitor Wireless' page. It asks you to select an event - in this case, use 'Humana RNR Marathon New Orleans' and then enter my name - Michael Venezia.
Follow the instructions and you'll get real time updates throughout the run, I believe.
Anyways, that's all for now...less than 72 hours to go. I fly from Pittsburgh to New Orleans tomorrow, and I am excited to get there. This should be a very interesting experience, so keep me in your thoughts, and for those that have inspired and encouraged me along the way - THANK YOU SO MUCH! I owe you a debt of gratitude that I can never repay.
People talkin' 'bout is
they got nothing else to do
when it all comes down
we will still come through...
In the long run...
Much love to you all...
- Mike
We'll find out
In the long run."
- The Eagles
Well, the time is near, and I will be running my first official half-marathon this Sunday.
Fuck.
Today is when the self-doubt and worry started creeping in...asking myself "Am I ready? Am I rushing this? Will I make it through? Did I train right? Did I train ENOUGH?"
All these questions and more will be answered Sunday in New Orleans!!!
I'm excited, nervous, apprehensive...all for a whole lot of reasons. Understandably so, I think. This will be the first time I set foot in this city since August. Those of you who know me know why, and as I had explained in my last blog post, there are many reasons for me doing this race in that city.
With all that said, I can only wish for a good showing, that I finish well, and that I do everyone proud that has followed me on this journey to this point. It's been a long, strange trip getting to here, for sure.
Oh, I did some damage,
Didn't know I was so lonely until I met you...
So, let's review:
I started running to get healthy, lose weight and look better for someone I loved...and for myself, too. The weight was coming off, I was looking better, and I kinda fell into a routine of 'maintenance' when it came to exercise. It could have been worse - I could have been doing nothing at all - but I was somewhat content with my progress.
Then the relationship ended.
Someone once said that the best way to lose weight was to go through a break-up. So, I put that frustration, anger, and disappointment into my fitness. I started back at the gym again, and I really started to increase my runs. I went from averaging about 1.5 miles a run to over 5.25 miles per run over the past 7 months. I had lost about 30lbs or so before August, and have lost 11 more since, plus taking a bunch of inches off my body. Went from a size XXL shirt to a size L, and in some instances a size M. Dropped about 4" off my waistline as well. I had committed myself to a Half Marathon in Disney World in April, too.
But then in December I decided I needed another 'push'. April seemed so far off, and I was making good progress with my running, so I looked into the Rock N Roll Marathon series. My friend Jason had run the Las Vegas RnR marathon in November, and I was already thinking I may want to run the San Diego RnR in June. Lo and behold, I saw that there was a 3-pack that you could purchase and run ANY 3 races you wanted. I grabbed it...and then started testing myself.
Over the Christmas holiday I was home in NY at my mothers house. The weather was ridiculously warm - it was 66 degrees on Christmas day - and I set out to hit a milestone...a 10 mile run.
Not only did I do it, I didn't feel like my legs were going to fall off!!
I decided to the New Orleans Half Marathon at that point.
Who is gonna make it?
We'll find out
In the long run...
Since then, I have had to learn a LOT more about running, stretching, training and eating properly. I have pulled hamstrings, pinched nerves, hurt hips, been a regular at my chiropractor...and now it's pretty much 'go' time.
That's it. There is nothing more to say! I can't train any more than I have for the race...all I can do now is ask for your continued support. If anyone is reading this, you can actually follow me on my run with a tracker that sends results to your cell phone! It's pretty cool... Click here and you'll be taken to the the 'Competitor Wireless' page. It asks you to select an event - in this case, use 'Humana RNR Marathon New Orleans' and then enter my name - Michael Venezia.
Follow the instructions and you'll get real time updates throughout the run, I believe.
Anyways, that's all for now...less than 72 hours to go. I fly from Pittsburgh to New Orleans tomorrow, and I am excited to get there. This should be a very interesting experience, so keep me in your thoughts, and for those that have inspired and encouraged me along the way - THANK YOU SO MUCH! I owe you a debt of gratitude that I can never repay.
People talkin' 'bout is
they got nothing else to do
when it all comes down
we will still come through...
In the long run...
Much love to you all...
- Mike
Friday, February 5, 2016
New year, new attitude...again.
"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do..."
- Joe Walsh
It's February 4, and I am finally writing my first blog post of the year. Why did this take so long? Well, there are multiple reasons...
- January was SO busy for me I really felt like I had no time to even think.
- SO many life changes that I had been a little overwhelmed and had to figure out how to deal with it all before I could organize thoughts...
- Training very hard for my first half marathon - which is NOT the Disney World one in April...it's another one...much, much sooner...I'll explain.
So anyhow, here we are. One month into the year, lots of changes, lots of adjustment, new outlook and attitude.
I'm kind of over a lot of stuff. I am over people that take advantage of me, or take me for granted. I am VERY MUCH over people that don't want to give nearly as much as I do to our relationships. I am over people that can't take a joke. I am over people who NEVER ask how you are doing....who start conversations with things to the effect of "Hi, I need a favor", but offer nothing in return.
When I say nothing, I am not talking about a favor or money or whatever in return - I mean true, honest friendship. I so CANNOT STAND people that just talk to me when they need 'something'. Unfortunately, that 'something' with these people is RARELY a shoulder to cry on, or someone to bounce ideas off of or what have you. It's usually something monetary or money related.
Now, my friends will tell you that I am a fairly generous person - I'm happy to buy drinks or dinner, generally go out and have a good time and share in some of my good fortune. However, when my good nature is taken advantage of, I start to get bent out of shape.
I would think this is understandable, but then I am made out to be the bad guy for this...and then I feel like crap...like I am selfish. Nope, not anymore. My life is mine. I don't exist merely for the entertainment of anyone. If I share with someone - whether it is food, drinks, my LIFE, whatever, it is because I WANT to share with someone. I ENJOY sharing my life and times with people. I like making people happy. I love bringing people together. When that is taken advantage of or it becomes EXPECTED, that is when the faucet gets turned off.
I am applying this to all other facets of my life, using very, very broad strokes. I am not going to be as available to everyone anymore. It's not that I don't want to be there for someone - I will ALWAYS be there for you if you need a friend. What I WON'T be is taken for granted...
I'm not whining, I'm just over feeling like I am not worthy of any one's time. I've earned the right to feel how I feel. I can be an emotional person (big shock), but I have been really good at hiding things and putting on a good face the past few months. I had been chastised a little bit for putting things out on Front Street, as it were...and it wasn't an invalid assessment. In this case, however, I needed to vent. I needed to get this off my chest. I needed whoever reads this to know that sometimes your inaction results in negative reactions. I can guarantee this isn't just me that feels this way in this life. I am sure that some that are reading this feel EXACTLY the same way.
To be fair, I can't say that I am completely innocent myself. However, over the past few years, my level of commitment has grown, and I effort to be a man of my word. I try to live a life with a much higher sense of integrity. I am far more confident in myself and my self worth than ever, so I have taken on a new adage - "If you aren't adding to my life, then you are subtracting from it". Cold, maybe. Straightforward, definitely. But how do I know if someone is adding to my life? Well, I parallel it to what one Supreme Court Justice said about pornography - "I know it when I see it".
What is also fueling this is my lack of free time due to travel. My territory at work has changed, and I am on the road most of the first half of 2016. Because of this, I have very little time to waste - ALL free time is valuable.
On top of this, I have upped my training regimen and added another race - my first half marathon - to my February calendar. This will be in - of all places - New Orleans. Yes, this is by design. No, I don't have any delusions of what will happen when I am there, for those of you thinking what I know you are thinking...
Here is the deal with this choice: I love that city. I just do. I enjoyed most every second I spent there. Now, I couldn't imagine visiting there...too many memories. What I am hoping is that by having a goal when I am there, I can overcome the emotions that keep me away with a new found sense of pride and accomplishment - and I can re-visit that lovely city again.
Plus, I get a kick ass medal! And I get to run though the French Quarter - SOBER! I just hope that my body holds up. My hammies have been giving me issues, so I am training in a different way now, and incorporating laser therapy into my post-workout treatment (thank you Dr. Ted). I'm feeling better and stronger.
I'm sorry for this post being negative in nature. It's more meant to be a venting/empowerment session. I have to say I feel a little better doing this, and I know I am exposing myself to criticism - but don't we do that every day? With every Facebook post? Instagram pic? Tweet? At least here I can be verbose, better able to explain myself.
Maybe you see it that way...maybe you don't. Maybe you don't see this at all! But this one is for me, anyhow...Actually, I guess they all are.
Peace...
- M
- Joe Walsh
It's February 4, and I am finally writing my first blog post of the year. Why did this take so long? Well, there are multiple reasons...
- January was SO busy for me I really felt like I had no time to even think.
- SO many life changes that I had been a little overwhelmed and had to figure out how to deal with it all before I could organize thoughts...
- Training very hard for my first half marathon - which is NOT the Disney World one in April...it's another one...much, much sooner...I'll explain.
So anyhow, here we are. One month into the year, lots of changes, lots of adjustment, new outlook and attitude.
I'm kind of over a lot of stuff. I am over people that take advantage of me, or take me for granted. I am VERY MUCH over people that don't want to give nearly as much as I do to our relationships. I am over people that can't take a joke. I am over people who NEVER ask how you are doing....who start conversations with things to the effect of "Hi, I need a favor", but offer nothing in return.
When I say nothing, I am not talking about a favor or money or whatever in return - I mean true, honest friendship. I so CANNOT STAND people that just talk to me when they need 'something'. Unfortunately, that 'something' with these people is RARELY a shoulder to cry on, or someone to bounce ideas off of or what have you. It's usually something monetary or money related.
Now, my friends will tell you that I am a fairly generous person - I'm happy to buy drinks or dinner, generally go out and have a good time and share in some of my good fortune. However, when my good nature is taken advantage of, I start to get bent out of shape.
I would think this is understandable, but then I am made out to be the bad guy for this...and then I feel like crap...like I am selfish. Nope, not anymore. My life is mine. I don't exist merely for the entertainment of anyone. If I share with someone - whether it is food, drinks, my LIFE, whatever, it is because I WANT to share with someone. I ENJOY sharing my life and times with people. I like making people happy. I love bringing people together. When that is taken advantage of or it becomes EXPECTED, that is when the faucet gets turned off.
I am applying this to all other facets of my life, using very, very broad strokes. I am not going to be as available to everyone anymore. It's not that I don't want to be there for someone - I will ALWAYS be there for you if you need a friend. What I WON'T be is taken for granted...
I'm not whining, I'm just over feeling like I am not worthy of any one's time. I've earned the right to feel how I feel. I can be an emotional person (big shock), but I have been really good at hiding things and putting on a good face the past few months. I had been chastised a little bit for putting things out on Front Street, as it were...and it wasn't an invalid assessment. In this case, however, I needed to vent. I needed to get this off my chest. I needed whoever reads this to know that sometimes your inaction results in negative reactions. I can guarantee this isn't just me that feels this way in this life. I am sure that some that are reading this feel EXACTLY the same way.
To be fair, I can't say that I am completely innocent myself. However, over the past few years, my level of commitment has grown, and I effort to be a man of my word. I try to live a life with a much higher sense of integrity. I am far more confident in myself and my self worth than ever, so I have taken on a new adage - "If you aren't adding to my life, then you are subtracting from it". Cold, maybe. Straightforward, definitely. But how do I know if someone is adding to my life? Well, I parallel it to what one Supreme Court Justice said about pornography - "I know it when I see it".
What is also fueling this is my lack of free time due to travel. My territory at work has changed, and I am on the road most of the first half of 2016. Because of this, I have very little time to waste - ALL free time is valuable.
On top of this, I have upped my training regimen and added another race - my first half marathon - to my February calendar. This will be in - of all places - New Orleans. Yes, this is by design. No, I don't have any delusions of what will happen when I am there, for those of you thinking what I know you are thinking...
Here is the deal with this choice: I love that city. I just do. I enjoyed most every second I spent there. Now, I couldn't imagine visiting there...too many memories. What I am hoping is that by having a goal when I am there, I can overcome the emotions that keep me away with a new found sense of pride and accomplishment - and I can re-visit that lovely city again.
Plus, I get a kick ass medal! And I get to run though the French Quarter - SOBER! I just hope that my body holds up. My hammies have been giving me issues, so I am training in a different way now, and incorporating laser therapy into my post-workout treatment (thank you Dr. Ted). I'm feeling better and stronger.
I'm sorry for this post being negative in nature. It's more meant to be a venting/empowerment session. I have to say I feel a little better doing this, and I know I am exposing myself to criticism - but don't we do that every day? With every Facebook post? Instagram pic? Tweet? At least here I can be verbose, better able to explain myself.
Maybe you see it that way...maybe you don't. Maybe you don't see this at all! But this one is for me, anyhow...Actually, I guess they all are.
Peace...
- M
Saturday, November 28, 2015
Exactly WHAT am I running for...or from?
Y'know, the other day I was thinking to myself how much of a metaphor running has become in my life. It defines me in so many ways - not to say that it embodies who I am, but so many things can be drawn from it. I also was questioning how my motivation has changed from when I first started until now, and what can be drawn from THAT.
Initially, I started running in an effort to look better for someone I was in a relationship with and to make me feel better about myself. Yeah, I know, I should be doing it for me and blah blah blah...but let's be real, people - it ALWAYS is for yourself that you are doing it for. No matter WHAT the reasoning is.
I ran to look better for someone because I was afraid of losing them. I didn't improve THEIR quality of life by looking better...I was trying to stabilize MY quality of life. Selfish? Maybe. Insecure? Totally. But this was the motivation at first. Plus, one of her 'friends' said something particularly mean about her going from 'one fat Italian to another' when we started dating. More insecurity...just what I needed.
The weight started coming off slowly. This was February. I was 'running' anywhere from 1-1.5 miles at a time, averaging about 12:30-14:00 min per mile. I put 'running' in quotes because it was part running/part walking/all torture to me. I didn't like running, but started getting into a routine of running regularly. It actually helped me be a bit more organized with my time management and concentrate on what I was eating as well.
Around the end of April, there was some turmoil in my relationship. Not to go into detail, but I felt in my gut that something was wrong (I was correct) and I started pushing harder and becoming more enveloping to compensate. This didn't help my mental state at ALL and drove me 'nanners. So, what I decided to do was channel that energy into running. Once again, the paradigm shifted. The miles had increased per run to around 1.5-2 miles per run...averaging 11:41 per mile (I recorded 11 miles in April on my GPS tracker but I was doing a lot more on the treadmill, too...)
NOW I felt like I had something to prove - that I was worth something and that I was worth having. I used this as motivation and to blow off the steam I needed to release. It worked. The weight started falling off like perfectly cooked ribs from the bone (weird food analogy when discussing weight loss, I know) and I started feeling more confident in my appearance. Clothes I regularly wore started to fit strange - as in NOT fitting - and older pants and shirts that I hadn't worn in years started to fit again! Shopping became fun as I tried on clothes that weren't in the 'tent' section of the men's department.
I recorded 25 miles in May at 10:59 per mile average. My confidence went way up, and my relationship did, too... The motivation was changing once again.
In June, I kept running and watching my weight because now I was in sight of the weight loss goals I had set for myself (I wanted to lose 51 lbs). I had made it more than halfway at this point. Things were looking good, I was looking better, and the future was looking bright (but I didn't have to wear shades) - but I slacked a bit because I was happy. Only recorded 20 miles in June, and the avg per mile went up to 11:06.
July was funky - I actually hurt myself taking a bad step in Costco and tweaked my hip and back real bad. Couldn't run for half the month. I was scared that it would be a long, drawn out recovery like the last time that happened - it took about 18 MONTHS to heal. Thankfully I was able to work the pain out, and by the end of the month I was mobile again, but it was a serious setback in the training, and the weight loss had stopped.
Speaking of setback, as I had mentioned in my last blog post, August was horrific for me personally. lots of negative things happened to me - including my relationship ending. Needless to say, that left me witha TON of negative energy and misplaced anger, frustration, sadness, etc. The motivation was changing yet again, but I was so broken and hurt that I couldn't channel that energy initially. It really took a laser-like focus to shift the negativity to work FOR me as opposed to bringing me down even further than I was. Really, it wouldn't have taken much for that to happen - giving in to the negativity. I guess it could have been like Annakin Skywalker being tempted by the Dark Side - it's really powerful and easy to sink into, and very difficult to come back from. I opted to stick with the Rebel Alliance and become a Jedi. By the end of August I was running 5K distances with less difficulty. 30 miles run, 11:03 average.
I felt that I REALLY had something to prove now...though I wasn't sure to who...or what. This shift was way weird for me. It was like an open ended question where no answers were correct, but every answer would have worked. I decided not to think about it too much and just focus on hitting benchmarks - letting THAT be the focus. Hitting goals. In September I ran 44 miles at 10:44 per mile. I was getting faster and running longer. I ran eight 5k training runs in September. I ran a total of 6 in my LIFETIME previous to that.
Starting in October I was feeling better about life. Most of the major issues had passed, though I was still dealing with mending my broken heart (and pride). I decided to give myself a challenge - I signed up for a Half Marathon (I mention this in my last post as well). This goes back to me shooting for benchmarks as my motivation, but also giving longer term goals. I have always been one for the short ter, immediate gratification, here-today-gone-later-today type goals. I needed to work for something, I believed. The minute I entered, though, I though to myself "YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE!" My inner monologue was SCREAMING at me! Every day I have to tell it to shut up. I do that by getting out there and running my ass off. I started running one longer run a week, doing 4 runs of 5-7 miles in addition to seven 5k training runs and my other, shorter trainings. 61 miles run in October, 10:39 per mile avg.
I started off November with my first official 10k run, which I entered last minute once I noticed that there was a race happening down the block from where I live!! That was one of 3 races I ran this month alone - did that 10k (Celebration Run San Diego), the Damon Runyon 5k at Yankee Stadium where I raised a bunch of money for cancer research, and the Garden City 5 mile Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. I had run 2 official races in the past 3 years, and here I am doing 3 in a month. Motivation is changing again. I guess I am getting competitive. I see the results and, being the artist I am, I am not pleased with what I see. I always see room for improvement - I want to be faster, I want to place higher in my age group and in overall standings. I don't necessarily need to WIN the races but I do want to be in the upper percentile. So there is where I stand now... Currently in November - 54 miles run at 10:15 per mile average.
Now, I am NOT saying that I am not pleased with what I have done, though I AM guilty of losing sight of that sometimes...especially recently. I was not happy with my time in the Turkey Trot, but I ran the damn thing with an injured leg. I give myself no slack, sometimes... I need to improve on that.
With that said, I am VERY happy with how far I have come. I never thought I would ever be complaining about my time in a 5 mile race. I never though I would be getting ready to go out and do a 6 mile training run (as I am when I'm done writing this), but that is happening. I am proud of what I have accomplished, and I am sure that I will get better, stronger, faster (shout out to Steve Austin!) in the months to come. I am already planning out the runs I am going to do next year - Rock N Roll Marathons in San Diego and Las Vegas (MAYBE New Orleans if I have a reason to be there again), already signed up for the Celebration run again, and probably a bunch of others. I actually am still not a big fan of running, but I enjoy the results more and more, and like the saying goes - "The end justifies the means".
Peace, y'all!
- M
Initially, I started running in an effort to look better for someone I was in a relationship with and to make me feel better about myself. Yeah, I know, I should be doing it for me and blah blah blah...but let's be real, people - it ALWAYS is for yourself that you are doing it for. No matter WHAT the reasoning is.
I ran to look better for someone because I was afraid of losing them. I didn't improve THEIR quality of life by looking better...I was trying to stabilize MY quality of life. Selfish? Maybe. Insecure? Totally. But this was the motivation at first. Plus, one of her 'friends' said something particularly mean about her going from 'one fat Italian to another' when we started dating. More insecurity...just what I needed.
The weight started coming off slowly. This was February. I was 'running' anywhere from 1-1.5 miles at a time, averaging about 12:30-14:00 min per mile. I put 'running' in quotes because it was part running/part walking/all torture to me. I didn't like running, but started getting into a routine of running regularly. It actually helped me be a bit more organized with my time management and concentrate on what I was eating as well.
Around the end of April, there was some turmoil in my relationship. Not to go into detail, but I felt in my gut that something was wrong (I was correct) and I started pushing harder and becoming more enveloping to compensate. This didn't help my mental state at ALL and drove me 'nanners. So, what I decided to do was channel that energy into running. Once again, the paradigm shifted. The miles had increased per run to around 1.5-2 miles per run...averaging 11:41 per mile (I recorded 11 miles in April on my GPS tracker but I was doing a lot more on the treadmill, too...)
NOW I felt like I had something to prove - that I was worth something and that I was worth having. I used this as motivation and to blow off the steam I needed to release. It worked. The weight started falling off like perfectly cooked ribs from the bone (weird food analogy when discussing weight loss, I know) and I started feeling more confident in my appearance. Clothes I regularly wore started to fit strange - as in NOT fitting - and older pants and shirts that I hadn't worn in years started to fit again! Shopping became fun as I tried on clothes that weren't in the 'tent' section of the men's department.
I recorded 25 miles in May at 10:59 per mile average. My confidence went way up, and my relationship did, too... The motivation was changing once again.
In June, I kept running and watching my weight because now I was in sight of the weight loss goals I had set for myself (I wanted to lose 51 lbs). I had made it more than halfway at this point. Things were looking good, I was looking better, and the future was looking bright (but I didn't have to wear shades) - but I slacked a bit because I was happy. Only recorded 20 miles in June, and the avg per mile went up to 11:06.
July was funky - I actually hurt myself taking a bad step in Costco and tweaked my hip and back real bad. Couldn't run for half the month. I was scared that it would be a long, drawn out recovery like the last time that happened - it took about 18 MONTHS to heal. Thankfully I was able to work the pain out, and by the end of the month I was mobile again, but it was a serious setback in the training, and the weight loss had stopped.
Speaking of setback, as I had mentioned in my last blog post, August was horrific for me personally. lots of negative things happened to me - including my relationship ending. Needless to say, that left me witha TON of negative energy and misplaced anger, frustration, sadness, etc. The motivation was changing yet again, but I was so broken and hurt that I couldn't channel that energy initially. It really took a laser-like focus to shift the negativity to work FOR me as opposed to bringing me down even further than I was. Really, it wouldn't have taken much for that to happen - giving in to the negativity. I guess it could have been like Annakin Skywalker being tempted by the Dark Side - it's really powerful and easy to sink into, and very difficult to come back from. I opted to stick with the Rebel Alliance and become a Jedi. By the end of August I was running 5K distances with less difficulty. 30 miles run, 11:03 average.
I felt that I REALLY had something to prove now...though I wasn't sure to who...or what. This shift was way weird for me. It was like an open ended question where no answers were correct, but every answer would have worked. I decided not to think about it too much and just focus on hitting benchmarks - letting THAT be the focus. Hitting goals. In September I ran 44 miles at 10:44 per mile. I was getting faster and running longer. I ran eight 5k training runs in September. I ran a total of 6 in my LIFETIME previous to that.
Starting in October I was feeling better about life. Most of the major issues had passed, though I was still dealing with mending my broken heart (and pride). I decided to give myself a challenge - I signed up for a Half Marathon (I mention this in my last post as well). This goes back to me shooting for benchmarks as my motivation, but also giving longer term goals. I have always been one for the short ter, immediate gratification, here-today-gone-later-today type goals. I needed to work for something, I believed. The minute I entered, though, I though to myself "YOU ARE FUCKING INSANE!" My inner monologue was SCREAMING at me! Every day I have to tell it to shut up. I do that by getting out there and running my ass off. I started running one longer run a week, doing 4 runs of 5-7 miles in addition to seven 5k training runs and my other, shorter trainings. 61 miles run in October, 10:39 per mile avg.
I started off November with my first official 10k run, which I entered last minute once I noticed that there was a race happening down the block from where I live!! That was one of 3 races I ran this month alone - did that 10k (Celebration Run San Diego), the Damon Runyon 5k at Yankee Stadium where I raised a bunch of money for cancer research, and the Garden City 5 mile Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving. I had run 2 official races in the past 3 years, and here I am doing 3 in a month. Motivation is changing again. I guess I am getting competitive. I see the results and, being the artist I am, I am not pleased with what I see. I always see room for improvement - I want to be faster, I want to place higher in my age group and in overall standings. I don't necessarily need to WIN the races but I do want to be in the upper percentile. So there is where I stand now... Currently in November - 54 miles run at 10:15 per mile average.
Now, I am NOT saying that I am not pleased with what I have done, though I AM guilty of losing sight of that sometimes...especially recently. I was not happy with my time in the Turkey Trot, but I ran the damn thing with an injured leg. I give myself no slack, sometimes... I need to improve on that.
With that said, I am VERY happy with how far I have come. I never thought I would ever be complaining about my time in a 5 mile race. I never though I would be getting ready to go out and do a 6 mile training run (as I am when I'm done writing this), but that is happening. I am proud of what I have accomplished, and I am sure that I will get better, stronger, faster (shout out to Steve Austin!) in the months to come. I am already planning out the runs I am going to do next year - Rock N Roll Marathons in San Diego and Las Vegas (MAYBE New Orleans if I have a reason to be there again), already signed up for the Celebration run again, and probably a bunch of others. I actually am still not a big fan of running, but I enjoy the results more and more, and like the saying goes - "The end justifies the means".
Peace, y'all!
- M
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