"You Can't Always Get What You Want..."

...but if you try sometime, you just might find...you get what what you were supposed to...

I know, that sounds kinda defeatist, but at the same time it is very true. I sit here and think "WHY?" a lot with regards to the things I wanted but haven't gotten, and the end result is always the same:

"Because you weren't supposed to."

In some ways this can be conceived as Machiavellian, I guess...but without the implied subterfuge that would come with that inference.

Really, though, it's a simple way of justifying things and trying to move on from them.

Simple, yes...effective, well I guess that depends on who you are. Justifications like this are used daily by religious folk: "It's God's plan" seems to be the catch-all phrase when things don't turn out like you want them to.

I have said over and over that I believe in ME first, THEN larger than life invisible beings, so I take the more practical and generic approach and say, simply "Because you weren't supposed to." It's applicable for all creeds, and is Kosher for Passover.

For me, I have a way of letting things eat at me if I get dealt a hand that is less than ideal. I think about who or what I can blame it on, or how I can avenge this hot, steaming cup of 'wrong' that was poured over my head. The common thread in all these situations is...you guessed it...ME!

Therefore, I fall back to the "Because you weren't supposed to" line when I do not get what I wanted. There are certain things that aren't in my control, yes, but at the same time I have to think if I had done ALL I can to tilt things in my favor. When I look at things objectively - you know, like 30 years after they happen - I have to say that I find many things that I could have done better. Yes, hindsight is always 20/20, but sometimes I knew these things at the time and didn't do anything about them.

If you can't help yourself enough to make things happen, then how can you possibly rely on others to do it for you? Or for it to just be 'given' to you. I know there are those out there who are the 'Golden Children' and they get pretty much anything they want (or so we think)...but they have positioned themselves for this - whether knowingly or not, whether by birth or not, they are positioned. Right place right time has some bearing, but if it always happens, then there has to be some skill involved.

Take poker players, for example... From a sheer numbers standpoint, anyone can beat anyone else if they have the right cards - the playing field should be level. If this is the case, then how come every time I watch a WSOP final table, it seems like the same 8 people are sitting at it???

Because they have done everything they can to position themselves for success...poker hands have odds assessed to them, and yet these guys and girls always win - their skill and determination to do all they can to tilt the odds in their favor is what positions them to win. Regularly. It's not luck...it's skill.

So, I take today's 'defeat' for lack of a better term (and those of you who know what I am talking about will understand what the 'defeat' was) as a chance to move on and try harder next time. I sat here a good chunk of the day (my day off, nonetheless) wallowing in a sea of self-pity and 'woe-is-me'isms, and then I finally just snapped out of it and said 'fuck it'.

It's not the end of the world, it's not the end of my life, it's not the worst thing that can happen.

I will say that I feel that, given the chance, I'd prove my worth in SPADES... but this is the part where I don't have control. Therefore I cannot worry about it or go on and on about it anymore...because nothing gets accomplished except making me angrier and resentful, and who likes feeling like that??

I also had another thought - that everyone has a set amounts of 'wants' that get fulfilled in a lifetime, and I blew a whole bunch of them on craving sushi and ebay impulse purchases.

Maybe THAT is the real thing...

Either way, the "Why?" is answered the same...

"Because you weren't supposed to"

Sigh...

I'm beaten...

I am really beaten now...

It sucks to know that you give your best...you give your ALL...you do all you can...

And it's still not enough.

FML.

- Mike