Wild Wild Life...

"I know that's the way you like it, oh ho...
Livin' wild, wild life..." - Talking Heads, 1986

So, someone asked me if this blog entry was going to be 'juicy'.

The adjective 'juicy', is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as:

• Main Entry: juicy
• Pronunciation: \ˈjü-sē\
• Function: adjective
• Inflected Form(s): juic·i·er; juic·i·est
• Date: 15th century

1 : having much juice

Really? "Having much juice"?!?!?!?! What kind of a friggin' definition is that????? Would the definition for 'funny' be "Having much fun"?!?! For fuck's sake...

Anyhow, I can make it juicy for a bit...so here goes...

"Sondra pulled her lover close to her - so close, the body heat was felt like the sun on a hot summer's day. Small beads of sweat formed between them...much like a cool drink left out in the same sun on that very same hot summer's day.

Sondra reaches down between the legs of the object of her affection. It is hot to the touch. A small groan is heard. Sondra giggles a little, leans in close, and whispers - quite softly - "Are you ticklish or in pain?"

"Both...but mainly I yearn for your mouth..."

"Well, what would you like me to do"? responds Sondra, coyly...

"Go down on me and eat my fish taco, BITCH" says Sarah Palin. "Make like my career and bury yourself there!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, ok, ok...for those of you that are about to sue me or something...the preceding was a work of fiction. I wouldn't know if Sarah Palin like rug munching - or rug munchers. Maybe she does, but only if they don't get married.

Either way, I don't know and I made that up...

"Juicy" enough???? :-)


"Check out Mr. Businesman, oh ho... He Bought some Wild, Wild Life!"

Man, has work been off the hook recently. Preparing for our busy season - back to school is our Christmas...except we also get Christmas...so I guess it's not our Christmas - but it is...

Anyways, I have another 7 weeks of nuttiness that I most certainly hope will be more of a 'controlled chaos' than anything else. Back-to-School season lends itself to waves of people that don't wanna spend money. This usually leads to sometimes tense situations that I have to jump in and diffuse - which is fine, cause it's my job - but it's the amount of times that must be done that has to be limited. I pray to the retail gods "PLEASE GIVE MY CREWS THE KNOWLEDGE AND POWER TO GET THE JOB DONE!!!"

Hopefully the 'wild, wild life' won't manifest itself in the same way it did last year, which left me demoralized, depressed, and de-messed the fuck up...

What I AM looking forward to is the Yankees winning this damn game over the BoSox tonite - bottom of the 12th innning, 0-0 still...sigh... Damn pitching battle! Shit, now we are going to the 13th inning...
Dammit, Yanks!! (Damn yankees???) Win already!! I have to work in the morning!!!

"Sleeping on the interstate, oh oh ho... Gettin Wild, Wild Life
Checkin in'? Or checkin' out? oh oh ho...
I got a Wild, Wild, Life"

I'm also doing my hotel reservations... I actually used to like the 'getting away from home' part of my job a lot more. The drives upstate are killer and really wear on me...but a necessary evil. It is what it is...
Going to the bottom of the 13th inning now... *fingers crossed!!*

"NOW BATTING...NUMBER 2...DEREK...JETER...NUMBER 2"

Who is number 1?

YOU are number 6!!!

I am not a number - I'm a free man!!!

Ok, sorry - off on a tangent...not like that that is odd for me. So shut up... Anyone ever hear of "The Prisoner"? *sigh*

"Spendin' all of my money and time, oh oh ho...
Done too much Wild, Wild Life!"

But is it ever too much? I mean, really... Well, yeah I guess there can be too much. Then again, I never really got to the excessive parts of most things you can do in excess. By the same token, I have burned twice as bright in a lot of ways - and that just leads me to burn half as long. Did I mention I was tired?

My candle burns at both ends and in the middle which leads to 1) being tired a lot 2) resentment 3) lots of wax that I have to scrape off the furniture.

I'm trying to minimize this - realizing maybe too late in life that putting everything out there all the time isn't necessarily the best thing to do. People like a puzzle - they like a challenge. I tend to make things too easy for others and way harder on myself - what is wrong with me? This is a rut that I really need to dig out of. I can't keep going on this way because the flame will extinguish - or just run out of wax - and then I'll be up the creek without a paddle (can I fit more analogies in the blog? Damn...).
A-Rod at the plate - Texeira on 1st base...2 outs...
I feel like I have been doing better and have a clearer idea as to how to do this - only time will tell, really - and I will continue to try to improve. Haven't gambled for a bit, which is helping. Especially with paying bills. However, I am wondering when my next fuck up will come. Hopefully never - I don't need to self-destruct anymore. While I am good at it, this is a talent best left unused.
DAMMIT! A-Rod flies out to left field...going to the 14th inning... SO tired...

"Take a Picture, here in the daylight oh oh ho...
And it's some Wild, Wild Life"

I was at an art gallery last weekend - a friend of mine had some of his work displayed - and it was a good time. Felt good supporting friends, and being there with other friends, and seeing my false niece and nephew (they call me Uncle Mike...sweet).

Now if any of you saw my new facebook profile pic, you;d see that there was a piece at the gallery that was...well...it led the mind to wander...



Look, I know someone put blood, sweat, and tears into this, and this piece has a deep meaning moreso than just showcasing talent - but I'm sorry, my mind went right in the gutter...especially considering the fact that it was displayed oh so slightly above waist height. Use your imagination - I'm stopping the comment on this here...

"I know it, thats how it started oh oh ho...
Got some Wild, Wild Life"

I think I am going to make another beer butt chicken tomorrow for dinner (and anyone else that is hungry) and I STILL wanna go fishing sometime this summer. Again, a boat is going out of Captree at 11:00pm if anyone is interested...lemme know! Email me on facebook or at mikeagm@aol.com

Anyways, back to the chicken at hand.

I don't like chicken - not roaster style. I like chicken cutlets...that's about it... but I gotta say, I did the beer butt chicken thing, and it FUCKING ROCKS!!!! HOLY SHIT it was so 'juicy' - yes, having much juice, indeed - and just kinda came apart when you cut it. The flavor was amazing - and I must say my dry rub recipe kicks ass...

For the uninitiated, a 'beer butt chicken' is a chicken slow cooked on a grill with a beer can shoved in its ass. They have beer butt chicken stands, or you can take a chance balancing the anally-violated poultry on the grill with the beer can and the drumsticks... For the record, I vote for the stand - works great, and if you put it in a skillet, the drippings fall down and you can cook potatos in them - amazing!

BOTTOM OF THE 14th... GO GO GO!!! FUCK!!!!!! J.D. DREW!!!!!

I'll take a picture tomorrow. Yes, I am sure you are ALL on pins and needles to see a chicken anally raped with a beer can - but it looks so damn cute sitting there...

Just tastes too damn good...


"I know that's the way you like it, OH HO!!!
Livin' Wild, Wild, Wild, Wild...LIFE"


L8r Gatorz!!!!

Lyrics re-imagined without anyone's ok
from "Wild Wild Life" by the Talking Heads
off the 1986 release "True Stories"
Sire records

*NOTE* this song has one of THE MOST interesting bass lines ever written...not necessarily in the verses, but the bridge and chorus lines are fantastic and really define the song. Tina Weymouth was very underrated as a bassist...
Double Note - Again, I was joking with the Sarah Palin stuff... Just a joke - I can just see someone suing me or something about this... it was a work of fiction...false, not true, a fallacy, fallacius, faux, etc, etc...GOT IT?!?!?!

Random thoughts and stuff on my mind...

Dear Reader:

I apologize in advance for there being not thematic part to this particular entry in my blog...I am currently at a loss for musical inspiration and just felt the need to let whatever is in my head get transferred to this computer screen in whatever order it comes in.

I hope this doesn't really take away from your enjoyment - not that I do it strictly for everyone else's enjoyment...it's more of a cathartic thing with me - but if you feel I have short changed you on this one...then you can, well, suck it. Admission is free, and there are no refunds, so take it for what it is. :-)

Also note that the 'suck it' part is completely tongue planted FIRMLY in cheek - I was speaking metaphorically, so no yelling and/or screaming at me about that.

However, if you are a able-bodied human female that happened to think I was serious and you wanted to, in fact, 'suck it', then please contact me at 631-87... Oh, sorry...maybe an email would be better.
Hee hee!

Now, on with it!

- iPhone review:

Ok, so I got me one of them new-fangled iPhones all the kids are raving about. Got the 16gb 3GS in white (how pretty!)...

Lemme just tell you this - I have had cell phones for over 13 years...since Motorola had those HUGE, BLOCK style cell phones OLDER than the one pictured below.


Yeah, the one I had was way less functional than that one...

I have had flip phones, slider phones, RAZR's (went thru 3 of those pieces of shit), and most recently Blackberry's. For work, I HAVE to have a Blackberry due to tons of push email stuff, and I got used to it. I liked the full keyboard and some of the other functionality, so I got one for my personal use. Looking back, this probably wasn't the best move in the world.

I had no real reason to have a BB...I never used BB messaging, nor push email, or many of its other business/enterprise geared qualities. In addition, I looked like a fucking tool walking around with 2 of them.

So, I was anxiously awaiting June 11, 2009 to come - when my T-Mobile contract expired and I had options on service and phones. For the record, T-Mobile's customer service was fantastic - hands down - and that is why I stayed with them as long as I had...all the while expecting them to catch on to widespread 3G service, or even extending their standard service area to where it was functional for me.

This never happened - or at least not to the point where I felt my calls wouldn't keep dropping or I would be able to access web services without an issue.

I looked at the iPhone, but heard a new one was coming out. Being the skeptic I am, I wanted to wait and see what people had to say about this new product in real life scenarios - the professional reviews tell you good stuff, but nothing beats a human testing it out.

Reviews were positive for the most part - except for battery life issues, and some issues with overheating...with the latter concerning me more. So, I laid in wait for a month to see if there was a recall or something like that...nada, nothing... To me, that says that people are not getting 3rd degree burns or scorching their ears when handling the phone, so we are good...

Called AT&T, and got a killer deal - my sister was on AT&T and my mother has a discount on service thru her job, so I got us all on a family plan, got the activation charges waived for both phones I was ordering, a $50 rebate and a price match on my mother's phone, and free shipping.

My salesperson was fantastic, however, I will state that customer service at AT&T is NOT as good as T-Mobile...

Anyways, after some snafus, I finally got the phones...my iPhone and I got my mother a Samsung Eternity - which is a pretty kick ass phone, too!

After playing with this thing for a week, here are my impressions -

Functionality: This is a vague one, as different people have different needs.

To use the iPhone you first have to activate it thru iTunes, and then you have to set up your iTunes acct on your iPhone so you can download applications...This process wasn't hard as I already had an account - if you don't have one, you have to set one up in order to do, well, ANYTHING!

So, with that done, I decided to test out some downloading: First was Yahoo messenger. Works pretty damn well on the iPhone, and MILES ahead of the BB version.
Then, Facebook mobile, MySpace mobile, and a free, silly application that emulates different guns - which has a cool factor of about 9!

All worked well, with the Facebook app being particularly user friendly and more like the web than a BB or other mobile version. Note: the iPhone is capable of using WiFi, and discovered and connected to my wireless network in my home with ZERO issues. NICE! This made downloading speeds pretty damn fast.

I then transferred all my iTunes music from my laptop to the phone...a couple of extra steps than if I plugged my ipod in, but worked well and transferred fairly quick. Being that the iPhone is flash memory and not a 'hard drive' there is a wide variance of speeds that things can d/l at...this was just fine.

The iPod features worked just fine, and I bought a couple of songs thru the iTunes store - again, pretty seamless...apart from not being able to 'remember me' when logging on and constantly having to enter in my password. Should be an autofill function - I think it exists, but I haven't found it. The songs can play thru the iphone speaker - kinda am quality, but sounds just fine when using headphones.

Oh yeah, this thing makes calls, too... Sound quality is pretty good, though I find volume to be lacking...would be nice if it could be a touch louder. I LOVE the ability to choose what voicemail's
I can listen to without having to dial in first. THIS ALONE is worth the price of admission. Haven't travelled with it much yet, so I can't speak to the reception, but AT&T supposedly has the largest 3G network...who knows, we'll see... Texting is a little slower due to the keyboard being on a screen as opposed to hard buttons, but I am getting around that. A BIG FAT F to Apple for not enabling MMS messaging - text messages where you can send and receive pics...WHY? I have no clue...maybe in the next OS update...

Downloading via 3G is much faster than I thought it would be, and used it for such highbrow apps as the 'light saber', which turns your ipod into a light saber complete with sounds and music - and its free :-)

Now, this wasn't an in depth review - that isn't what this blog is for - but I had to say SOMETHING about this cool piece of gadgetry, as it has a coolness factor that is off the scale! I highly recommend it!!!

- Thoughts:
I think I am through with being a bachelor. The freedom is nice, but the grass is always greener, ya know? Then again, it really isn't JUST my decision to be in this position - or rather to get out of it. There has to be a significant other to make that happen - I guess that IS significant, therefore the use of that word...otherwise I would just need an 'other', and that would just be silly.

As luck - or MY luck - would have it, all the women that I come across that I think could possibly fit the bill are - in no particular order:

• Married and/or involved
• emotionally a wreck
• not interested in me
• not looking for a relationship or already have me in the 'friend' corral
  
• *other

* = "Other": undefined mental retardation whereby they don't even acknowledge my existence.

And with that said, I am NOT on the prowl - still not looking for it, because that would be bad and force the issue. I AM open to the idea...I'm in a nesting phase I guess...who the fuck knows? It's all good... Does this reek of desperation? Geez...I hope not...

- House M.D.

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SHOW!! That is all I have to say...can't wait till September for the new season.

- September

September also lets me know that I am in the busiest season for me at work, and that the end of it will be coming soon! :-)

September also BETTER BE signifying that the Yankees are preparing for the playoffs and the Mets are still sucking large amounts of anus... How's that CitiField working out for ya? What was that? You wanna make fun of A-Rod? No one cares...let it die...your team sucks right now - I lived thru 1983 - 1993 with the Yankees... I know that pain...deal with yours.

September also means lower travel rates - which I cannot take advantage of due to working 100 hrs a week thru the month!!!!!

September means more traffic on the roads again, so my Paramus trips will resume being 3 hours long...ugh...

'September' is a great song by Earth, Wind and Fire

September means Fall is coming - pretty much my favorite season...


I have more, but I am tired, and I need to go to bed...hope you enjoyed this for now, even though it's less introspective and a bit more blah...

L8R...

- Mike

It'll soon be here....

** I started this blog entry on 5/4 but finished it 5/21...just fyi**

"It'll be, better than before
Yesterday's gone...Yesterday's gone!"

- Fleetwood Mac, 1977

I need time away...real time, real fun, no drama... I need this for me - for every part of me with every ounce that I am, I need this.

So...ROAD TRIP!!!! That's right, Ladies and Gents...I'm leavin' on a jet plane...again... I do this, I know. This time to Florida, where I haven't been in about a year - and that is a LONG ass time for me to not be down there.

The timing of the trip is good, because the Yankees are playing the Florida Marlins the same time I am there...and Pro Player Stadium is right by my condo. Score! Of course, the games are mostly sold out, so I resorted to "Stub Hub" to get me some tix.

(Note: someone mentioned that "stubhub" sounds like a porn site - wondering if it could be a site focusing on men with small dicks... I wondered, if she thought that, WHY I WOULD BE GOING TO LOOK AT THAT SITE!! C'mon now, be real!)

So, after much deliberation, searching, and checking credit card balances, I took the plunge and bought 2 tix for $150 a piece. It's on the club level, directly behind home plate, 2nd row of the section - not 2nd row behind home plate, but 2nd in its section. Generally, these are regarded as being some of the best seats to see a game, so I was in like flynn. Cool thing is, the club level has its own air conditioned lounges, bars, food, etc, reserved just for club ticket holders. Oh yeah, snobbery!!! Lovin' it!

Oh, and its COWBELL DAY!!!! How 'bout THEM apples!!!! Just LOOK at what I will have....

I got a FEVER! And the only PRESCRIPTION is MORE COWBELL!!!!

"When your life has been bad for you
Just think what TOMORROW can do!"

Of course, this is what will happen - it will rain cats and dogs all 3 days, cancelling all games and having no time to make up the games at all while I am there... I will then be struck by lightning on my way to the box office to get partial refund for my tix. On the way to the hospital, my ambulance will be hit by the Yankees team bus, throwing me clear of the accident but into a field filled with old WWII landmines... As I wait for rescue, I again get hit by lightning, setting off all mines around me, which will throw me into a barbed wire fence - fixing my dislocated shoulder from the Yankee bus accident, but putting several puncture holes in my skin. Since now all I am is a bit charred and bloody, I opt to walk home. I stop at a local gas station and, thinking I am lucky, buy a scratch off. I win $10 million... and in my moment of rejoicing, I grab the woman behind me on line and kiss her deeply. I find out soon after that she has Swine Flu and herpes, and once again I wind up in an ambulance after passing out due to my shock and astonishment.

Somewhere along the way, I lose the ticket, my shoulder becomes separated again, and I now have to take Valtrex forever to stop the symptoms from herpes...

Now, this might very well NOT happen, but it's just a theory...Please, don't ask me where I think of this stuff. It just sorta pops in my head.

I need a brain scan.

"All I want is to see you smile
If it takes just a little while"

I really, really, really want to see "B" - a very dear friend who, like me, has many problems of her own to deal with. She was there for me when I was at my very worst and darkest, and I never, ever can thank her enough for that. She should have nothing but happiness in her life, and I have never seen someone so deserving be so denied. I just wanna give her the Über hug, and let her know it will be alright, and make her smile... All she has to do is be herself. If you are reading this, B, know that I love you very much. You are incredible! :-)

I wanna smile, too. I'm hoping I can after this...I'm sure I will - just being away in a non-pressure situation is reason enough to smile!

Now, for the road trip part...

Check this ridiculousness out - a rental car for a week during that time in Florida will cost ABOUT $400....WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! I'm talkin' Ford Focus, NOT Corvette... I'm baffled.
However, Hertz has a deal where if you drive the car out of Florida and drop it off somewhere else you get a discounted rate. So, I'm gonna fly down, but drive back...with gas and tolls, I'll still save about $200. Can you f*cking believe that shit??? And that is for a Mid-size car...I can get a truck or something, but that would burn too much gas for my liking.

"Open your eyes, and look at the day
You'll see things in a different way"

So, I'm gonna make a few stops along the way, see some friends, and hopefully enjoy the scenery. I know about long drives, and can do it in less than a day straight thru, but no need to rush, right?

Possible stops are: Tampa, Fl; Orlando, FL; Atlanta, GA; somewhere in NC; Louisville, KY; Wilkes-Barre, PA; and some others that aren't deeply in the running...but we'll see. Wish I had more time off, but the minute I get back I have to to Maryland for 3 days of meetings...so the trip may be truncated to 2 or 3 stops.

"Why not think about the times to come
Not about the things that you've done"

Hopefully this trip will be a 'mental detox' and I'll be able to think more clearly about shit - whether it be work or personal - but it better be fun, or I will be forced to punch someone in the pancreas. Yes, the pancreas...don't worry, I'll find it.

I'm feeling melancholy recently...so I really need to shake off the past and get with the future. I'm attmpting to lose weight again, and I realized that I have been punishing my body unnecessarily. This has to stop. Now. And it will...and results will come with time. I'm just impatient.

For now, though, I look forward every day to playing with Scrappy, my new doggie, who loves me for who I am. I wanna be like her...
Tell me she isn't awesome! I DARE YOU! :-)

Anyway, I'm tired, and the Xanax is kicking in...laterz!

"Don't Stop thinking about tomorrow
Don't Stop, It'll soon be here...
It'll be, better than before
Yesterdays gone...YESTERDAYS gone!"

Lyrics used completely without permission
from "Don't Stop" by Fleetwood Mac
off the 1977 release "Rumours"
Warner Bros. records

Does it Make Me Bad?

"I am watching the rise and fall of my salvation...
There's so much shit around me,
Such a lack of compassion"

- Korn, 1999

I've been a bad, bad boy...

At least I think I have been...or have I?

Without getting into too much detail...well...I dunno. I guess I still find myself getting into situations that I know aren't the best thing for me - but I have absolutely no will power to say 'no'.

At the same time, I think I don't say 'no' because I want to be everything to everyone, so it makes me happy to be/mean something to someone else.

So, essentially, I am getting myself into touchy territory in order to make myself and/or others happy...mainly others...and in the end NO ONE winds up being happy. Blah...

I know, this is all kinda cryptic - that's to protect the innocent (I'm the guilty, I guess). But I will say it's not without compassion - in fact, maybe TOO much compassion... ugh...

"I thought it would be fun and games,
Instead, it's all the same...
I want something to do,
Need to feel the sickness...in you."

Everybody wants to have a good time...all the time. I don't know of anyone who says "yeah, I need some misery...Can't WAIT! WOOO!!!" Unfortunately, the reality of it is without the downside you might never know how to see the upside of things. By the same token, too much downside can DEFINITELY make it WAY harder to see the UPSIDE of things. BLAH!!! I see so much downside in myself that I really make it hard for me to see the good in me.
Not like I do things to help me see the good in myself. Every 'good' thing I do, I feel is for selfish reasons (see 1st paragraph), and I can't shake that feeling sometimes. Sucks, but hey, it is what it is for now...I'm still very much a work in progress.

All I know is that things are getting better - and I know this because I am forcing myself to look at things with different eyes - and to say 'no' occasionally. Maybe not as much as I really NEED to say 'no', but you have to start somewhere...

"I feel the reason as it's leaving me,
No, not again...
it's quite deceiving, as I'm feeling the flesh
Make me bad"

I don't think of me as a bad person overall, really. I'm just a good person who does bad things - mainly to himself. My personal feeling was that sometimes a 'victimless crime' (i.e. something that affected no one directly but myself) was better than imposing my crap on others, but the truth of the matter is that it DOES get put on others whether that was the intention or not. Just the sheer fact that I share this info here (or personally) with my friends, etc, makes me put my shit onto others. SO, lemme apologise again for all this crap...yeah, it's my way of dealing with things- my personal catharsis - but those of you that read this regularly probably don't walk away with feelings of sunbeams and cotton candy! For that, I am sorry...wasn't my intention. All I ever intend by this is to purge these poisons that are coursing through my veins and in my brain and spill them out for dissection - so that maybe someone who feels the same way doesn't feel alone as I sometimes do.

You aren't alone...and it's ok...I am positive it gets better....

"What does it mean to you?
For me, it's something I just do
I want something
I need to feel the sickness...in you."

I feel your pain, really I do... I understand, and I get it... I don't expect everyone to understand ME, because my mind is a scrambled mess, but those of us that share these feelings - we are all very much the same. Sometimes to a fault. Sometimes to the point where we butt heads. But that is ok - I understand why...

So what am I doing to make this improve? Well:

• I said 'no' to a Vegas trip...as much as it pained me to do so - but I have to restrain...
  
• I have taken a stronger approach to work - more dedicated and "get 'er done" in nature...
  
• I am spending more time being creative - mainly musically - which helps me get all this anger and hatred out and turn it into 'tongue-in-cheek' style humor, set to music (Just wait for the next dance sensation "Great Big Fat Person (Ill, yo!)" which will be finished shortly...a surefire hit - at least on my iPod).
  
• Writing has commenced on my book...and I'd like to thank all of you that had submitted ideas fo--- oh, that's right, NO ONE DID!! Fuckers!!! :-) Still looking for great titles to write for...
• Wait, that isn't true... "Triumph over the Fog" was one... but I am unsure how to approach that one yet...

Anyways, this sorta somber blog DOES have a happy ending. Apart from feeling physically ill (nursing a cold now), I actually feel better than I have in a while overall. I have reconnected with a lot of old friends and it's good to talk and see them from time to time. My future seems a little more clear and bright, and I have a couple of bucks in the bank for the first time in forever. I have a list of goals that I wish to accomplish this year (I'll share these as I finish them) and they are all attainable. I am still incredibly handsome. ;-) I still have a good ear for music, and I can still make people laugh - maybe more so than ever now...

So, I don't think all this makes me bad... if anything it forces me to try to be good - and that really isn't the worst thing in the world. I control my own destiny, and I want it to be for better as opposed to for worst...

Anybody else along for the ride? Let's heal...

"I feel the reason as it's leavin' me
No, not again...
it's quite deceiving as I'm feeling the flesh
Make me bad"

Does it make me bad?
Does it make me bad?
Does it make me bad?"

Nope, it doesn't... :-)

Later!!!

Lyrics used completely without permission
from "Make Me Bad" by Korn
off the 1999 release "Issues"
Immortal/Epic records

It's On!

"You see its my fault...
Angels stabbing me inside
Nothing changes
Just re-arranges
For me...this time..."
- Korn, 1998

Aaaaaaand, we're back. New and improved. 50% MORE! Now with (add secret ingredient here).

So, I have embarked on a new venture. This particular effort is coming more as an attempt to get my creativity out there and prove to myself that I am actually good at something. I keep getting compliments on my blogging - which I find odd, because some of it is the absolute most depressing shit a person can read. If I were you, dear reader, and I read some of what I wrote, I'd think that:

1. I should kill myself and be done with it, if for no other reason than to stop bringing everyone 'down' with my dark ramblings.
2. Said reader should kill themselves cause they feel the same way, or I have depressed them (or annoyed them) to that point of wanting to end it all
3. the reader should vomit - otherwise known as 'technicolor yawning'

Any of those reactions I would find to be acceptable and right, and I would hold nothing against you.

However, for some sick, twisted, ungodly reason, this has not been the average reaction.

Most everyone has been complimentary at the least about this blog - somehow this has been some underground hit with a select group (select = 6 people, with a possible variance of 6, so it could be as little as zero) and they always ask me for more. Well, be careful what you wish for - you very well may get it...in f**king SPADES.

"Something is calling,
I can't keep from falling...

COME ON...
IT'S ON!"

I announce here that I will be writing a book - either one larger tome with interlocking storylines, or several short stories that will be more like Richard Bachman's (Stephen King's pseudonym...better writing under that name, in my humble opinion) stories. It all depends, really on how the writing flows...there are lots of notes, half-ideas, character development, and they are all 'works in progress'.

Some storylines are fully realized, but no real idea of how to get from A to B. Some ideas are how to get from A to B - but don't fit with the storylines...but, in due time, as with these blogs, it'll all come together.

The cool part is that I have actively started writing and recording music - a soundtrack, if you will - that will follow the book and hopefully give you, the reader AND listener, a better understanding of the emotions of the book/story/poem/haiku...whatever fucking literary form it winds up taking.

I guess you can kinda liken it to an opera with full libretto, but this really is more. Though there is no acting involved, there is more emotion with certain things, and there WILL be humor...and blood, oh yes...there will be blood. Hehehehe...

So yeah, in a phrase, IT'S ON!

By the way, I AM taking suggestions for names to be used in the stories... Feel free to think of some names to be used and leave them as comments here. (This is a thinly veiled ploy to get people to actually leave comments. I have more blogs then comments here, and I don't have that many comments!!! you all suck!!! :-p)

Or better yet (this will be more fun), come up with the title for a short story and I will write a story based on the best title. The best title is the one I choose to write on...not necessarily the best overall title. I mean, you can have a well written story title, like "The Snakes of Will Roger's Soul" (is that well written? Whatever...) but I would go with "Ass Rotten Egg Fucker", cause I have something to say about that...

So, IT'S ON!!! Make some stupid suggestions. Or intelligent ones...or what YOU feel is intelligent, but I will laugh at - loudly.

Suck it...

Blogger, OUT!

"Come ON!
IT'S ON!!!!

Now see, it's my fault...
Angels stabbing me inside.
Nothing changes,
Just re-arranges
For me, this time..."

Lyrics taken with no regard for copyright laws from
"It's On" by Korn
From the album "Follow the Leader"
Epic/Immortal records, 1999

I have become the infinite darkness....

I apologize for the dark tone of this particular blog - no song, no merriment, one mini joke - but I needed an outlet, so I do it here and put it all on display for ridicule cause I am a sick person.

I'm tired...so very tired...

I wake up every day to the sound of my alarm buzzing. My annoyance with my daily existence can be likened to hearing that buzzing all day...loudly...from a 15" speaker....right next to your head.

This is not a self-loathing thing, this is just a dissatisfaction with the daily grind that I (and many others in this world) go through every day. We all want something more, but are unsure of how to get it.

If we know how to get it, then we come up with some excuse not to do it.

If we don't have an excuse not to do it, we then submit to self-sabotage in order to ruin it.

Or is this just me?

Maybe this is just me being sick and tired of being sick and tired, but I just can't get my head wrapped around getting anything done anymore. I have become the king of all ideas and best intentions, and the master of no follow thru. You know what they say - the road to hell is paved with good intentions...and I guess at this point I am acting as my very own 'road paving' company.

There are so many things I want to do, so many things I want to attain, so many levels of satisfaction I wish to feel... Biggest problem here is I want them all at the same time and to keep them forever. I have to keep reminding myself that life is a series of moments - I even spoke about this in an earlier blog - and that I wish to preserve those memories forever. But in order to create new memories you have to sometimes let go of older ones otherwise you can wind up holding yourself to an unattainable standard - you CANNOT relive things - for better or worse.

Each event is its own unique experience - I DO forget that all too often. Anyone remember the definition of 'crazy' that I brought up on this blog before? It's "repeatedly doing the same thing and expecting a different result."

I am crazy, by this definition...clinically insane. I used to think this was a good thing and a bad thing, but now, it's mainly bad.

No, it's all bad.

Again, I find myself in situations that I keep hoping for the best and instead wind up with the shit end of the stick. I look back and see about 15 different ways I could have gone about things, but I didn't because I am a self-destructive (but handsome) person who would rather give of himself to a perfect stranger then to take care of his own well being.

All this and I think I am one of the most selfish people I know...

I want it all...I want everyone to be happy and I want to be the one who made them happy so I can brag about how happy I make everyone - and then be happy because of that.

What the HELL is wrong with me? Can I be MORE narcissistic?

I'm really good at self-loathing, so I guess it makes sense that I'm horrible at self-loving - taking it to that extreme at times in my own mind.

Really, days like this that cause me to feel this way...fuck...I just wanna get on a plane and go somewhere, and call it a day. I think I need to win mega-millions.

No, I KNOW I need to win mega millions...and that will make me get back into crazy mode - I'll play again, thinking I will win...but I won't.

Then again, you gotta be in it to win in, right?

Someone help me...

Do You Believe in GOSH?

"I like rice... Rice is great when you are hungry and want 2000 of something..."
- Mitch Hedberg

Well, another vacation done...and once again I come home unfulfilled - or at least partially.

Yeah, I know, I should be grateful for the weather I had, the food I ate, etc., and I am...really... I'm just feeling empty again.

This time it happened with record speed, but I saw it coming, too...so shame on me for falling victim to it or not doing something to stave it off. It's like sneezing and KNOWING its the beginning of a cold, but then ignoring the piles of vitamins, airborne, echinacea, nyquil, whatever it takes to help stave it off or minimize the symptoms...

*Sigh* I feel like Brittney Spears... "Oops, I did it again..." Well, I can say that I don't have the kind of psychosis she does...so that is good...a step in the right direction...

That's all I have for this one...I'm too busy feeling like shit to write more...and it actually took a month to finish this one...

"I'm a heroine addict.
I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
- Mitch Hedberg...again

Roll up!!! Roll up for the Mystery Tour!!!

And that's an invitation,
To make a reservation...

- The Beatles, 1968

Soooooo, It's been a long time (again) since I have blogged...been a busy time - as usual. However, things are getting back to normalcy...well, as normal as it can get in this economy, I guess - not the best time to be working retail. *sigh*

Anyways, I've been mired in doing store inventories, but I see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel - only one more left to do, and that happens in a few hours...yay!

I should be sleeping...shit...

That isn't something that I have been doing a whole lot of. Between migranes and just general sleeplessness/insomnia, I sometimes feel I have been walking around in a bit of a surreal fog. I think that it's due to the excitement I have for my vacation that I am leaving for on Friday. WOOOOHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

The Magical Mystery Tour
Is waiting to take you away...
Waiting to take you AWAY!!!

Ok, so its NOT the Magical Mystery Tour taking me away, but there is a certain sense of mystery about the aforementioned 'tour' (aka vacation) that I am going on. I don't:
A) have a fully realized game plan
B) have what I feel to be enough money to travel with
C) know if my luggage is going to fit in my rental car
D) know who, what or when I am going to see friends
E) know whether or not I am staying in certain hotels on certain days...

One last thing...I'm meeting a friend in Vegas and shooting down to L.A. with her...

...and I haven't seen her in over 15 years...

Now, those of you that know me probably think "Yeah, this is typical Mike behavior", and you wouldn't be wrong. :-)

I love the uncertainty, I guess...the whole "anything is possible" thing is as exciting as the rush I get from gambling, or seeing a concert given by one of my favorite bands, or (cover your ears) making love to someone deserving of my love...

Maybe it's just the idea of it all, but at the same time I don't concern myself with the why's of it all as much as I try to enjoy that feeling and remember it for as long as I can. "Life is a series of moments" is a phrase that could not be more applicable than now. The series of vignettes that pass before me (or all of us for that matter) go largely forgotten unless it is something profound or life-altering/changing. What I am efforting is to change that retention - to remember as many moments as possible. I do realize that this is a monumental task, and the prohibitive nature of our own brains (the fact that we only use 30% of it) almost disallows it.

Is this a possibility? "Anything is possible"...right?

We got everything you need,
Satisfaction guaranteed...

If there is anyone who knows that nothing in life is guaranteed, it's me...

Well, maybe death and taxes, and you can cheat on your taxes...

And death is the loss of life, so, maybe nothing at all is guaranteed - except death. And that's ok, but I'm not intending on filling that guarantee anytime soon. :-)

What I would like to thing that there is a better than possible chance that I will return from this trip refreshed, reinvigorated, with a new sense of purpose. A fat wallet wouldn't hurt either!

The Magical Mystery Tour is
hoping to take you away
Hoping to take you away!!!!

So here is the itinerary (for those of you that need to stalk me or something):

Friday - leave for L.A. around 6:30pm - Delta (yuck) First Class (yay!)
get my rental car - Corvette Convertible!!!!! FOR F**KING FREE! - and hope my luggage fits in the trunk (I get douche chills thinking that it won't fit...that would really, really suck).
Drive to Anaheim, check in to hotel, pass out for a few hours...

Saturday - the NAMM show - musical instruments as far as the eye can see, and a lot of my musician friends in attendance signing autographs for the masses. Much drinking will ensue.

Sunday - NAMM again, then 1 of 2 options
1) friends ask me to stay with them for a night...
2) I drive to vegas (in record time in the Vette ;) ) and get a free room at the WYNN - never even stayed there and they give me free rooms...I gamble too much...

More than likely it will be #2 cause I want to get to my Monday schedule without it being rushed...

Monday - Las Vegas - Check into the PALAZZO hotel - comped stay (3 nights) plus they are giving me $400 to gamble with...interesting :-)
6:00 pm dinner at PRIME - my favorite steakhouse ever with an incredible menu by Jean-Georges Vongerichten and impeccable service...worth every penny.

9:30 pm - the one thing I have been waiting to do again - The Beatles LOVE Cirque du Soleil show at the Mirage - I loved this show the last time I saw it, and I am sure I'll enjoy it even more without a 50-something year old fat lady YELLING "WE LOVE YOU!!!!!" at the top of her lungs throughout the ENTIRE performance behind me. EESH! Hey, if it WERE a concert, i'd understand, but this is an artistic show...I mean, sing along with the music - fine. Scream incessantly after being warned multiple times...sigh... At $165 a ticket, I want you to shut up and enjoy :-P

11:00 pm - show ends, drinking begins...
approx 3am - holding back someones hair while they puke in toilet... (NOT wishful thinking)

Tuesday - get some food after waking up around the crack of, oh, say noon... go to friends family's house and do laundry. Find new and creative ways to lose money

Wed - see Tuesday, without the laundry

Thurs - Drive to L.A. Check into INTERCONTINENTAL LOS ANGELES - 5 star hotel - FOR FREE...damn, I'm good...
have dinner somewhere, drink somewhere, do some stuff, enjoy it all

Friday - get new rental car - Mercedes :0) Dinner at YAMASHIRO - Asian cuisine with one of the most spectacular views of L.A.
Then, off to the Cat & Fiddle for a pint, or 3...possibly a scotch egg (if you haven't had one, try one...not healthy at all, but tastes awesome!). Cool english pub on Sunset that offers live jazz and a cool outdoor patio...

Saturday - head to Melrose for some shopping, eat something somewhere, head to the Delta Crown Room for a few free cocktails before my flight, and take the red eye out...

Sunday - cry cause its over...

So there you have it in a nutshell...or a blog...

In the meantime, I gotta be up in about 6 hours for another (and last) inventory, so off to my time of slumber.

There will be pics and all sorts of other merriment when I get back to fill everyone in on - if anyone reads this...besides me...

The Magical Mystery Tour is
DYING to take you away
DYING TO TAKE YOU AWAY
TAKE YOU TODAY!!! (or Friday... :0) )

Peace...

Lyrics 'borrowed' from the Beatles'
"Magical Mystery Tour"
from the album of the same name
Apple Records, 1968