Well, a LOT to say the least...been super busy and really haven't had much time to sit down and do something like add another entry to this blog.
But, here I sit on yet another flight to New Orleans, and I felt it was a good time to reflect on the first half of this year. And really, it's something that I have needed to do. There have been SO many emotions that have swayed me to and fro this year.
"One day I feel I'm on top of the world, and the next its falling in on me..."
- Rush, 2007
The highest highs to the lowest lows and everything in between have occurred so far this year...
Been in love,
Been hurt by the one you love,
Been MORE in love than ever before,
Been scared of that love,
Been successful at work,
Been scraping the bottom for sales,
Been heavier than I had in years,
Been LIGHTER than I have in years,
Got crappy bloodwork results,
Got AMAZING bloodwork results,
Had the worst back pain,
Back felt the best it has in years...
These are just some of the things that have transpired over the past nearly 7 months.
Thing is, I wouldn't trade any of this for the world at this point. I am pretty happy where things are headed in my life for once, and I know that there is still room to grow and improve - I HAVE NOT YET PEAKED.
But again, you can't appreciate the highs without knowing what the lows are...and I have felt so very low at times. It's scary to look back and see myself in that state of mind. The good news is that I KNEW where I was and what I needed to do to get out of it.
It was hard...very hard to pull myself out of those depths - but I did it. I proved to myself that I have the strength and resolve to overcome adversity, that I am a good person, that I am important to people and valuable to them.
And while that last part may not be how everyone measures their value, it's one of the ways I measure mine. The way I look at it, if I am not needed in someone's life or provide any worth to someone, then what am I doing? I'd feel as if I was just floating by, waiting for the end to come years down the road. To me, that is a real crappy way to exist, so I try to make myself valuable to others.
"One day I feel I'm ahead of the wheel, and the next it's rolling over me..."
- same song
The value I provide differs from person to person, of course. My family values me differently than my girlfriend, my friends in general, or my co-workers. To some, I am a means to an end - not saying that in a bad way...but it's the truth. I have a job to perform at work to help my company reach its' goals. My employment is therefore a means to an end for them as I do all I can to help us hit our metrics (which, for the record, I am KILLING it so far this year...whoop WHOOP!)
I'd like to think that my girlfriend and my friends value me for my friendship, my loyalty, the experiences I share with them, the love I give to them and am happy to receive in return, the support I provide and they, again, give back.
My family values me for all of the above - all that makes me 'me', and I am forever grateful for that. I know my parents are proud of me and what I have achieved, and it's a really good feeling to have. There have been times that I know I haven't been all they thought I could be. And to some degree I think that still lingers a little bit - but that just proves how much they think of me. I'm sure they maybe would rather see me in a more professional role - laywer, doctor, etc - but I know that more than anything they want me to be happy. And I am. Very.
Currently, I am riding close to the 'Top of the world' or being 'ahead of the wheel' part of the song I am quoting by Rush (Far Cry...from Snakes and Arrows). I have quoted it before in my blog, as I am sure some of you have read, but the overarching theme of that song keeps playing out in my life. The last part of those lines is "I can get back on...I can get back on". THAT is the key to the song. That I can hit the highest highs, and then the lowest lows, but I NO LONGER LET THOSE LOWS DERAIL ME.
I am more confident then I have been in years. I feel very positive about my future. I know what I want, I know how to get it. It's nice to see the roadmap so clearly. Now it comes down to execution.
- I've lost over 30 lbs since the beginning of the year.
- I'm in the top 2 salespeople at work currently and I am WAY ahead of schedule for my yearly goals.
- I have an amazing, beautiful, talented, FILLED-with-crazy girlfriend who loves me and has become such a great cheerleader in the things that I do, and who has allowed me to love her like no other.
- We aren't perfect, but I think we are perfect for each other.
- I have made some great new friends and reconnected with some old ones.
- I have a THIRD city that I now call 'home' at times.
I'd like to think I am most decidedly executing the plan.
It's not done. Not even close... Still have debt to quash, goals to hit, people to see, love to give, places to live...and I know there will be speed bumps that will get in the way - some larger than others. I'll get through it. With the support of my family, friends, my love, and my co-workers who all believe me in me, I'll get through it. I can get back on...I can get back on!
Peace and love...
- M
