18 hours I never want to experience...ever again...

I'm broken.

I'm absolutely broken.

I'm a dog lover (actually a lover of most all animals) and believe firmly that dogs rank above most people in my personal chain of 'things I care about'. I love my dogs so much - I don't have kids...I have dogs.

***By the way, when I say "I have dogs", I mean "We". The dogs belong to everyone in my family, and we fight over who gets the dogs to sleep with at night. :-) ***

They mean the world to me, and they are spoiled endlessly. And even then, I feel bad that I don't play with them more, or give them more attention. I guess all parents feel that way from time to time...

I'm on the road in Rochester right now, and as I always do when I am away, I called home last night to say hi and check in on the puppies...

This time, my sister answered - not a shock, since she moved back home this past weekend, but not something I really expected either. I could tell there was something wrong when I asked where Mom was.

"Uh...um...She's with...um...she's out. She's out."

"Ok, how are the doggies?"

"The dogs are ok..." her voice trailed off.
Then she started crying a lot and said "No, everything is not ok with the dogs..."

She tells the the story:

She came home from work and saw Lola with her head bobbing back and forth, not able to move, panting and panicking. Christina picked her up and Lola was completely limp on the lower half of her body - her back legs didn't move, she didn't claw, she couldn't stand let alone walk...
Christina called my mother, and she came home as soon as she could.

They took her to Dr. Greco, our vet, and he took x-rays and did a pain test.

Pain test - negative...she felt nothing.

X-rays showed separation between L-3 and L-4 in her vertebrae.

The Dr. recommended she see a surgeon about this, but that this wasn't too promising. Lola and my mother were at the surgical hospital in Bohemia when I finally got in touch with her.

From what I was hearing, this didn't seem too good at all. My stomach sank and I felt sick. I still do.

She didn't know what she wanted to do - surgery, no surgery, euthanization...it's a tough thing to play God in those situations. Those of you with animals, I don't have to tell you twice - you know this.

If my vote counted at all, I said that unless there was a great chance of success, she should be put to sleep. What I never want is for her or any of our animals to suffer or not be able to lead a happy life. This situation didn't seem to set the table for a positive outcome.

However, the people at the hospital said she had patella reflexes and that she DID feel deep pain - not sure what that meant, but ok...especially since Dr. Greco got nothing. So the decision was made keep Lola overnight, and to inject her with a massive shot of steroids to possibly ebb any swelling and inflammation that may have been clamping down on Lola's spinal cord.

I don't think anyone slept well last night.

"I tried all night not to break down and cry
As the tears rolled down my face
I felt so cold and empty
Like a lost soul out of place"
- Poison, 1990 "Something to Believe In"

I woke up (?) this morning not feeling any better than the night before. I knew that the next phone call I get would be from my mother and it wouldn't be good.

I hate being right sometimes.

The board certified neurologist had looked at the x-rays and examined Lola, and the prognosis was grim. "Maybe", "possibly", and other words were used, but he didn't even recommend doing any other tests to be sure, because he knew that she would never be right. Or even close to it.

My mother opted not to do any surgery, though she told me later that "if there was even a glimmer of hope, I would have latched on to it"... but there was nothing to hold on to.

She left work to go be with Lola. She spent about an hour with her before the needle came. She was petting her and calming her down, keeping her sane. Mom teased Lola a little, asking if she wanted a cookie...Lola perked up a little with that statement. She made sure she gave Lola a kiss for me and told Lola that I loved her very much.

I can't tell you how much it hurt not to do that myself. I'm dieing inside over that. Even typing it now, I feel like someone is hitting me in the stomach with a baseball bat. It's so hard not to be able to say goodbye and to be there for my mother as well. My mother has done this way too often, and it never gets easier.

Then, they administered the needle, and shortly after she was at rest.

I knew it was just a matter of time that I got the call saying it was all over. Hours were like days. That waiting and waiting is absolute torture. You want to scream but can't because you know it won't do any good. On top of that, I was at work, and had to keep it together as much as I could. That didn't work so well...but I survived the day somehow.

I got the call, and what I hoped would happen didn't. In the past, there would be almost a rush of relief because a dog was in pain, or even if it were a sick relative who had passed, and you were almost happy that they were not in pain anymore. I didn't have that this time... This poor dog did not deserve this. She was only 4 1/2 years old. I thought she'd be around for 10 more years. Shit, 10 more DAYS would have been nice...not 10 more minutes. Or 10 more seconds.

But now she is gone...on her way to Rainbow Bridge to play with the other animals. In a land of no steps and shorter couches to jump on. A place where cookies flow like rivers, and she can continue to be a professional sleeper. Damn, that dog could SLEEP!

Here's Lola doing what she did best, along with Scrappy

In my eyes, she was the absolute sweetest dog we ever had. She just wanted to love you (unless you were another dog, I guess), cuddle with you, let you rub her shoulders - and you were more than a criminal if you stopped. She was the great protector, she was the rolling wonder, she was our 'sausage girl'..."Lolee"... "Fatty". Her paw was strong enough to hold your foot down...or so she thought...

Guys, do me a favor, if you have a pet or pets, give them a hug and a treat tonite, because you never know when it will be the last time you do. I didn't know... and I'd give anything for just one more...

I'll have to live without that...and without her...

I miss you and I love you, Lola.

Lola Venezia
2006 - 2010
Rest In Peace

The Real Angel Dust King for a Day of the Year...

"It's always funny until someone gets hurt...
...and then it's just hilarious..."

- Faith No More, 1995

So last night my bro Rich and myself went to go see Faith No More at the Williamsburg Waterfront in Brooklyn. Needless to say, I have been waiting for this for a while - I haven't seen FNM since 1990 when they opened up for Billy Idol (!) at Jones Beach. Rich actually missed that show for one reason or another that I am sure he now regrets, but this is what made this the perfect b-day gift for him.

"Don't you look so surprised!
Happy birthday, Fucker!"

As the day approached I found myself wanting to go to the second show they had added at the WW - which was actually on the 2nd, but there was no way... Life is what happens when you are making other plans, ya know?

Anyway, here is my recap...

"Shit Lives Forever!!!"

- THE VENUE -

Williamsburg Waterfront is a great place to see a show...if you are in the front row, I guess. It's set up really, really weird. First off, it's smack in the middle of downtown Greenpoint - which isn't a bad thing, except for the fact that there are NO PARKING AREAS AT ALL!!!!! We literally parked about 1/2 a mile away on the street. This is your only option. Considering that there are thousands of residents in the area to begin with (yes, it's more or less in a residential area) and add in the thousand or so cars that drove there, too, AND add the "Brooklyn" factor...well you have a clusterfuck to rival some of the best clusterfucks throughout history. I will not be naming them now, but you know they exist...

With that said, I guess it was nice to save what would have been about $20 for parking. Tickets for the show weren't too bad either, running about $50 a pop.

"One minute here and one minute there
Don't know if I'll laugh or cry"

There is one - ONE - entrance to the venue... This precipitated a line that was so long you'd think that they were giving out toilet paper in the cold war-era Soviet Union.

The venue is on N 8th and Kent. By the time we got to the end of the line, we were at N15th. We parked on N 5th. 90 degrees. Humid. Suck.

It was so comical! I looked in vain to see if I knew someone - anyone - even peripherally, so I could jump in line sooner. No go - which I really found odd for a concert. I usually see a few peeps from olden days...

Water at the venue was a STEAL at $2 a bottle (I got 3 bottles immediately) considering the almost 90 degree heat + humidity at the start of the show (about 8:30pm!). There were also taco stands, beer gardens, and not enough porta potties...

The venue itself, I must say, had great sound for an outdoor arena, though it could have used some more volume. The soundboard area was positioned stage right, which is odd, but it really opened the middle of the viewing area. However, what is working against it is the viewing area for ticketholders (all general admission) slopes DOWNWARD as you get further away from the stage. I am sure that this is in an effort to have any rain/floods/etc. drain into the East River, but what it creates is a reverse experience from all other venues I have ever been to. The tall guy in front of you has now gotten taller, and the tall guy in front of him may as well be Shaquille O'Neal. If you are under 5'5" and are NOT within 20 feet of the stage, I hope you like a nice light show... 'cause that is all you will see.

- THE PERFORMANCE -

There was an opening band that I think nobody got to see as doors opened an hour later than scheduled - adding to the clusterfuck... Bet they are happy about that...enjoy your career!

Then, prior to FNM taking the stage, was Neil Hamburger - the world's worst comedian, who has a deep-seeded hatred for the band Smashmouth. I can understand that, but there is only so much mileage you can get out of Smashmouth jokes...ugh...

FINALLY, FNM appears and rips into a killer rendition of the theme from "Midnight Cowboy". These guys are such pros and it showed. Song after song the musicianship was there, and Mike Patton keeps reminding me why he is hands down my favorite vocalist. Fuckin' evil genius...

Here are the songs performed: (Loosely in order, cause I just don't remember all of it)

Midnight Cowboy
The Real Thing
Land of Sunshine
Gentle Art of Making Enemies (yes!)
Be Aggressive
Last Cup of Sorrow
Easy (Commodores cover)
Diggin' a Grave
I Started a Joke (Bee Gees cover)
Mid-Live Crisis (w/a breakdown featuring main riff from "Sir Duke" by Stevie Wonder)
Ben (Jackson 5 cover)
Ashes to Ashes
King for a Day
Epic
(Encore #1)
As the Worm Turns
We Care A Lot
(Encore #2)
Stripsearch

Ok, I think that is all of them! May have missed one, but I think I got it all...

"You want it all, but you can't have it..."

Ending with "Stripsearch", for me, was weak... Yeah, it's a cool tune, but WAAAAAY too mellow... Check out a sample on iTunes or something (it's from "Album of the Year") and let me know if you agree.

THE highlight of the show was definitely "Mid-Life Crisis". The band stopped mid song and allowed the audience to sing the chorus - we nailed it. Then, as opposed to going back into the song, they played the opening riff from "Sir Duke". GENIUS! And totally what you would expect from an FNM show.

The choice of "Ben" was WAY obscure, and totally on point at the same time. Killer rendition...

What I would have liked to have seen them perform would have been:

Ricochet
Cuckoo for Caca
From Out Of Nowhere
Surprise! Your Dead!

I found it really odd that they only played 2 songs from "The Real Thing", which was their breakthrough album.

Conversely, they played 3 songs from "Album of the Year" - most likely their weakest selling album. Not to say that the songs aren't quality - "Ashes to Ashes" was great, and "Last Cup of Sorrow" was awesome as well - but I would have gladly traded "Stripsearch" for any of the 4 songs I mentioned.

All in all, FNM proved that they are still very relevant. It's important to note how may people were influenced by them - the crowd was decidedly younger - not teens, but a mid-20's crowd. I did feel a bit older than most attendees, but I was also one of the few in the crowd that saw them 20 years ago!

In any case, it seems like they have a large, rabid fan base but still get treated like a dirty little secret or a guilty pleasure, in a way. It's a shame that we will probably never see them perform again after this tour (Billy Gould said "Thanks for comin', 'cause you'll probably never see us again) but I guess sometimes it's a good thing to go out on top and leave them wanting more. I don't think this will be the last time I see Mike Patton (I've seen him with 3 different bands - FNM, Mr. Bungle, Fantomas) or Mike "Puffy" Bordin (FNM, Ozzy/Black Sabbath, Korn) playing around. The other guys have stuff they are involved in, too, but when they all get together something just happens that can't be bottled, duplicated, or captured any other way. Maybe they'll change their minds...

Peace

- M


Song lyrics taken from:

Ricochet
Gentle Art of Making Enemies
Cuckoo for Caca
From Out of Nowhere
Epic

I'm not going to list the albums...just go buy them... This band ROCKS...