...Anything other than me...

"I dont wanna be anything other than
what I've been tryin' to be lately"
- Gavin DeGraw, 2003

Well, it's been 2 months, and I STILL suck at updating this thing as often as I want...grrrrr.... I'M TRYIN, OK??!?!?!?!

So, I didn't hit my goal of losing 30 lbs by May 12 - that was a bit unrealistic goal-wise - but I HAVE lost 20 lbs as of May 30. That, to me, is an accomplishment. I never lost that much weight in all my attempts of dieting...gotten close to that, but never got there.

Then again, I think I had more to lose (weight-wise) at the point I started this go round.

Either way, I don't care, I'm losin' weight and I feel GREAT about it! For the first time in a long time I am starting to feel better about my appearance, and generally feel healthier. Still, have a ways to go...this was the first 20 lbs. Next goal is the next 20...then finally the LAST 20 - which I am sure will be a considerable pain in the ass.

I AM looking forward to that particular pain in the ass, though. I don't think I would mind as much struggling with the last 2o of 60 lbs lost...means I would have lost 40 in the first place!

I kinda get depressed sometimes, thinking that I became the guy that needed to lose that weight. I never wanted that for me, but it just went that way over time...slowly but surely...one pound at a time...until I reached my ultimate critical mass. There was a point where I weighed myself and I saw "243" on the scale. THAT sucked big time - I'm 5'8", not 7' 2", so yeah, I was barrel shaped.

When I started this diet...I topped off at 240... Now I am 220, and sinking fast - in the good way, for once. :-)

Building that friggin' paver stone patio over the Memorial Day weekend helped me lose about 4 lbs - and that is after all the eating and drinking I did to replenish myself. And I also got a nice tan...

"All I have to do is think of me, and I've piece of mind"

I'm really just trying to keep focused on this - there are so many temptations that can hold me back, especially when I am on the road for work. Living out of hotels and eating shit processed foods is NOT conducive to losing weight. As I write this I feel sick from the lobster spinach flatbread pizza I got from UNO's...though it was yummy.

I'll just have to find a way to work it off tomorrow - running, lifting, etc. I also have to get back into a running regimen. Kinda slacked off of that after hitting 2.3 miles - most I've ever done. Still wanna get to 5k distance (3.1 miles) and see if I can enter a race or 2 later this summer or possibly in the fall. THAT would be cool and completely out of character for me.

Or is it?

Maybe I have been changing my life without really realizing it because I am not trying to do EVERYTHING AT ONCE like I always do. Which, in turn, ruins ANY chance of me being successful. Am I maturing or am I just realizing my own pace? I have no clue.

I think 'maturing' because I am looking at my hairline (or lack thereof) more and more these days...noticing the signs of maturity...blah.

"I'm tired of looking 'round rooms thinking what I got to do
or who I'm supposed to be"

In the end, I think I have just given up on what it is that everyone else expects me to be, what I need to do to be better, how I need to do it, etc, etc... Not that I completely discount their opinions - not at all...in fact people have given me some great ideas. But I really, really, really need to do things at my pace and in my own way in order for me to succeed. With time, the pace and frequency can speed up in reaching my goals...but I really need to do things for me, by me - and with the support of others.

I can't tell you how good it has been to hear words of encouragement from friends - both in the flesh and on places like facebook - cheering me on. For once, I am accepting of them. I never felt worthy. I always felt like I was going to fail, and then did everything I could to make sure I did.

Yes, I succeeded greatly at failure!

I don't wanna fail anymore.

I don't wanna be that person.

I'm changing for the better, and I like this person more.

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately...

"I don't wanna be anything other than me..."

L8R...

Lyrics used as inspiration
brazenly stolen from
"I Don't Wanna Be" by Gavin DeGraw
from his 2003 release "Chariot"