Feel like sh*t...it's all too real...

I just really can't get over this feeling of dread, depression, guilt and anxiety that I am feeling right now.  This fucking Hurricane Sandy really did a number on friends of mine, and needless to say they are in worse shape than me right now - and rightfully so. 

Here's the background info...I'm writing this as I sit in the Intercontinental Hotel in New Orleans, the day after Halloween.  I had planned this vacation months ago and was looking forward to it for so long.  Plan was to come down here with friend - new and old - that were here last year around Halloween.  We all had such a great time last year that there was no way we could NOT come back this year and celebrate again!

Well, everything was great up until a few weeks ago, when 90% of the people I thought were going dropped out for one reason or another.  Some fell on hard times, some were just lazy and relied on others to do the hard work getting it together, and some had other obligations.  In all cases, my sentiment is the same - I was upset.  It is one thing to look ahead and look forward to something, but when you wind up being one of the only ones to come through, you start to look inward and think 'what did I do wrong?'

Then, this windy bitch Sandy had to play into things.  Ironically, I spent my vacation in Florida and New Orleans AVOIDING a hurricane - you won't hear THAT too often, I am sure...  Regardless, she hit like ton of bricks - this we now know...  I tried keeping spirits up - both for myself and my friends that made it down.  However, the pas 48 hours have spiraled my out of control emotionally.  I can't put my finger on why, exactly, but it's happened.

This actually adds to my guilt - I feel horrible that I wasn't home for my mother and sis and dogs...that I am not there to help my friends clean up...that I am not around to help with my stores cleaning up...  I feel worthless and alone - no good to anyone.  I have felt little joy over the past couple of days.  I feel sad and withdrawn...I don't know what I want to do, what I should do, or how to react.  I wanna scream, I wanna clap my hands and cure all the worlds ills, I wanna win billions and give everyone restitution.  I really don't know why I take this burden and lay it all on my shoulders, but I have and it sucks...and I don't know how to get out of this funk.

I need a hug...I need a new career...I need a change...I need peace of mind...

Someone help...