New year, new attitude...again.

"I can't complain, but sometimes I still do..."

 - Joe Walsh

It's February 4, and I am finally writing my first blog post of the year. Why did this take so long?  Well, there are multiple reasons...

 - January was SO busy for me I really felt like I had no time to even think.

 - SO many life changes that I had been a little overwhelmed and had to figure out how to deal with it all before I could organize thoughts...

 - Training very hard for my first half marathon - which is NOT the Disney World one in April...it's another one...much, much sooner...I'll explain.

So anyhow, here we are.  One month into the year, lots of changes, lots of adjustment, new outlook and attitude.

I'm kind of over a lot of stuff.  I am over people that take advantage of me, or take me for granted.  I am VERY MUCH over people that don't want to give nearly as much as I do to our relationships.  I am over people that can't take a joke.  I am over people who NEVER ask how you are doing....who start conversations with things to the effect of "Hi, I need a favor", but offer nothing in return.

When I say nothing, I am not talking about a favor or money or whatever in return - I mean true, honest friendship.  I so CANNOT STAND people that just talk to me when they need 'something'.  Unfortunately, that 'something' with these people is RARELY a shoulder to cry on, or someone to bounce ideas off of or what have you.  It's usually something monetary or money related.

Now, my friends will tell you that I am a fairly generous person - I'm happy to buy drinks or dinner, generally go out and have a good time and share in some of my good fortune.  However, when my good nature is taken advantage of, I start to get bent out of shape.

I would think this is understandable, but then I am made out to be the bad guy for this...and then I feel like crap...like I am selfish.  Nope, not anymore.  My life is mine.   I don't exist merely for the entertainment of anyone.  If I share with someone - whether it is food, drinks, my LIFE, whatever, it is because I WANT to share with someone.  I ENJOY sharing my life and times with people.  I like making people happy.  I love bringing people together.  When that is taken advantage of or it becomes EXPECTED, that is when the faucet gets turned off.

I am applying this to all other facets of my life, using very, very broad strokes.  I am not going to be as available to everyone anymore.  It's not that I don't want to be there for someone - I will ALWAYS be there for you if you need a friend.  What I WON'T be is taken for granted...

I'm not whining, I'm just over feeling like I am not worthy of any one's time.  I've earned the right to feel how I feel.  I can be an emotional person (big shock), but I have been really good at hiding things and putting on a good face the past few months.  I had been chastised a little bit for putting things out on Front Street, as it were...and it wasn't an invalid assessment. In this case, however, I needed to vent.  I needed to get this off my chest.  I needed whoever reads this to know that sometimes your inaction results in negative reactions.  I can guarantee this isn't just me that feels this way in this life.  I am sure that some that are reading this feel EXACTLY the same way.

To be fair, I can't say that I am completely innocent myself.  However, over the past few years, my level of commitment has grown, and I effort to be a man of my word.  I try to live a life with a much higher sense of integrity.  I am far more confident in myself and my self worth than ever, so I have taken on a new adage - "If you aren't adding to my life, then you are subtracting from it".  Cold, maybe.  Straightforward, definitely.  But how do I know if someone is adding to my life?  Well, I parallel it to what one Supreme Court Justice said about pornography - "I know it when I see it".

What is also fueling this is my lack of free time due to travel.  My territory at work has changed, and I am on the road most of the first half of 2016.  Because of this, I have very little time to waste - ALL free time is valuable.

On top of this, I have upped my training regimen and added another race - my first half marathon - to my February calendar.  This will be in  - of all places - New Orleans.  Yes, this is by design.  No, I don't have any delusions of what will happen when I am there, for those of you thinking what I know you are thinking...

Here is the deal with this choice:  I love that city.  I just do.  I enjoyed most every second I spent there.  Now, I couldn't imagine visiting there...too many memories.  What I am hoping is that by having a goal when I am there, I can overcome the emotions that keep me away with a new found sense of pride and accomplishment - and I can re-visit that lovely city again.

Plus, I get a kick ass medal!  And I get to run though the French Quarter - SOBER!  I just hope that my body holds up.  My hammies have been giving me issues, so I am training in a different way now, and incorporating laser therapy into my post-workout treatment (thank you Dr. Ted).  I'm feeling better and stronger.

I'm sorry for this post being negative in nature.  It's more meant to be a venting/empowerment session.  I have to say I feel a little better doing this, and I know I am exposing myself to criticism - but don't we do that every day?  With every Facebook post?  Instagram pic?  Tweet?  At least here I can be verbose, better able to explain myself.

Maybe you see it that way...maybe you don't.  Maybe you don't see this at all!  But this one is for me, anyhow...Actually, I guess they all are.

 Peace...

 - M